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OhDear to Elcy
Reply with quote  #61 

> I've had to fight my entire life for the LIFE I wanted....why do I have to feel forced to allow them to be a part of it???? ANYONE??? ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

Your parents are nasty people.  You do NOT have to allow them access to you or your children, no matter what they say.  They do NOT have 'rights' to see your children.  If they threaten to take you to court tell them to go ahead.  From what I understand they have none.

Check out the message board at http://www.nevergoodenough.com  you will find a lot of support there.



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Never Get Away
Reply with quote  #62 
Annie,

It is very distressing to lose the place where one worships,
my very solvent and robust church was ultimately closed and sold to settle the lawsuits of pedophile priests. This was the final straw for me. (It turns out that both of my children were baptized by pedophiles)

 But that being said, I can't even begin to wrap my mind and heart around your  unique grief- your father literally drove you out, you are so right you can't make this stuff up.

Once an uninformed, but probably well-meaning person told me to get over it and go to another church. I wish it could be that easy.

Annie I hope that you find a peaceful and loving house of worship very soon. (

A bit off topic- I do wonder how we got to win this peculiar and painful life lottery.

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Prodigal
Reply with quote  #63 
Hi NGA, Ah yes ... the Good Parents vs. Bad Parents Lottery. That's about all it is. Just the odds. There are a certain number of mentally ill people out there as well as a bunch of just plain jerks ... and some of them end up having children unfortunately. Whenever I get jealous of my friend who has this great mom ... I remind myself that I came out OK on some of the other life lotteries. I could have been born in an economically disadvantaged country where women have few if any rights. Isn't there some old Sinatra song about "Luck Be A Lady" or something like that? I think basically 'Luck' is a b*tch (lol).

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~OK~
Reply with quote  #64 
Quote:
I think basically 'Luck' is a b*tch (lol).


Very true, Prodigal (and very well said!) In my small circle of friends, I received the short end of the 'parental' stick. However, my friends have had things happen to them that are not so lucky either. I've always said, "My parents taught me how NOT to be", so............ I not only survived their abuse, but their influence as well.
 
It's over for me..and I will be glad when it's finally over for others, as well. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it is Hell getting there.


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Annie
Reply with quote  #65 
Oh Dear~
Thank you for your suggestions. My husband may be getting a job some where else so we might be moving. Your encouragement means a lot to me.
 
Never Get Away~
 
Thank you for words of encouragement. I am so sorry for your loss and hurt as well. That must have been devestating on your family. I hope you or recovering well!
 
Once again I really appreciate y'all!
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Madalyn
Reply with quote  #66 
Oh yes, N's and religion!! Reading thru all of your posts I could see my mother in each one and the pain you have each gone thru.

Just this morning I got 2 religious forwards from her, she does this alot. I get forwards but no feedback on my health or her grandchildren or any other aspect of my life. If she sends me Godly stuff I guess she thinks shes "a good mom"  NOT!!!!

She hides behind religion to keep from having to be sympathetic.

As a child I was made to walk to sunday school or bible school.  I did love bible school, we got icecream and goodies..lol!  She stayed home and I cant remember her asking anything about our time at church

Many a time we were made to get up for church when just the night before she hade her boyfriend in our home overnight. Some example to set....

My mom is knee deep in debt, credit card, and loans. At age 73 she should be free and clear. We try to tell her it has to stop and she says "God will take care of it"

I stopped going to church 3 years ago. I felt empty there. My woods are my church. I have always felt God there. Sometimes he is distant but I still know he's real.

N's use their religion to control and manipulate.  My God is the one in my heart. Its a personal relationship. I dont go around spouting him or sending forwards. Mom will send those rediculous ones that say something like "send this to 10 people and you will be rewarded" or worse yet ones that threaten you may be sorry if you dont forward them.. Oh holy cow, do they really believe that stuff!!!!

I have gained much wisdom these last few days on the boards. I've been on the other N thread also. You have all been there, suffered the hurts and I'm learning how to not be a doormat again

THANK YOU lovely ladies

Madalyn




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Jerrica
Reply with quote  #67 
"My mom is knee deep in debt, credit card, and loans. At age 73 she should be free and clear. We try to tell her it has to stop and she says "God will take care of it" "

Wow, that sounds like MY mom! She is deep in debt and 75 and is waiting on God to give her the 50K she's praying for. She said the 700 Club said she was going to get it, so now of course she is looking to get money from my sister and me because obviously God is going to "use us" to get her this money. (Sorry but God never talked to me about it!)

About not criticizing priests, I disagree with that. I think if a priest is doing something wrong he should be called out on it. That's how priests get away with all that child molesting and stuff -- because people think it is more of a sin to expose the priest than it is for the priest top scandalize the child. (CRAZY)

We were watching a movie where someone made a little priest joke and my mom was all over it, "they shouldn't talk about priests like that" as if priests are God himself. It is annoying all this priest worship instead of God worship.

My whole life has been this teaching about how if you do this or that wrong you go to hell. Hell hell hell hell hell hell. Over and over. Mom would say not going to Mass was a serious matter, a grave mortal sin you can go to hell for, then she'd say "it's not ONE sin that makes you go to hell" then it was "God can do anything" and then it was "God can't change his personality or go against himself." So can he do anything or can't he?

Soooo confusing. I have pretty much ditched the idea of God. I kind of want God to exist, but not in the form my mother thinks he does. He sounds terrifying, and I have spent my entire life thinking I will never be good enough.
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Unregistered
Reply with quote  #68 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley
Hello

I am so glad to have found this site; to see that there are actually other people who have gone through the same thing I did and still do!! I am a 39 year old happily married woman with 2 young boys. I suffered alot of mental, physical & emotional abuse as a child and today I still feel the emotional manipulation. My mother has always been a strict Catholic and raised me that way. She is also a narcissistic. She had me by her first marriage and since I can remember has always hated her X husband, my father. She remarried when I was 6 and had my brother when I was 7; he was the golden child and I was the piece of dirt. I always saw her hug my brother and smile. She never did that to me but always said that I was "too old now for that and he's still a little baby, etc.". I can't possibly write the entire experience in 1 thread. What I am wondering is; have any of you who have been abused by a Narcissistic mother; have you also been spiritually oppressed? In other words, now that I am older, I see that my mother hid her narcissism behind the dogmas of  the Catholic Church. I always thought that it was the Catholic way and that she was good, heavenly, going to heaven and if I didn't follow her whims, I was going to be tortured forever in Hell. I was too young to put 2 & 2 together. So, I took the abuse long after I even was thrown out of the house at 18 because I was brainwashed. If she had just been narcissistic alone, I may have realized she had the problem sooner. But since it was mixed with "Who God Is", I was under the spell well into my 30's. I have in recent years began to break free of that; break free of the thought that she didn't actually take her "belief" seriously!! That she only used the Catholic Church to justify abusing me!! Have any of you experienced this?

Thank you for reading and take care...
Ashely
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Rohini Malhotra
Reply with quote  #69 
Greetings from India!! I was in your place a few short months ago. I am the scapegoat daughter of a "Catholic" covert narcissistic mother and have had C-PTSD, depression and BPD rage for 25 years. Recently I was on a break from work and so I began doing several things simultaneously: reading up on covert narcissism, gymming, writing on Evernote all the instances of abuse, even non-verbal, therapy, praying the Rosary prayerfully and mindfulness. This gave me stunning clarity and strength.It resulted in letting go of the need for approval from my mother (an egoic desire which made me a sucker for her abuse) and helped me to detach from the need to make her right and give her another chance. In short, i developed strong boundaries. I read out my story to my (blind and very kind) dad who, thankfully validated me bcos I articulated everything so well and he got it. I pray fervently for my mother's soul even though she seems incapable of self reflection and compassion. I'm even looking into having her prayed over (as in deliverance prayers) because this could have a demonic origin. God can break any stronghold so it's our duty to keep praying. That is my way of honouring her. I don't speak or have any eye contact tho I'm living with my parents right now. Mindful prayer has given me a positivity, hope and equanimity that I wouldn't exchange for worlds. No more depression, rage, or confusion/dissociation. Hope this helps xx
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Rohini Malhotra
Reply with quote  #70 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerrica
"My mom is knee deep in debt, credit card, and loans. At age 73 she should be free and clear. We try to tell her it has to stop and she says "God will take care of it" "

Wow, that sounds like MY mom! She is deep in debt and 75 and is waiting on God to give her the 50K she's praying for. She said the 700 Club said she was going to get it, so now of course she is looking to get money from my sister and me because obviously God is going to "use us" to get her this money. (Sorry but God never talked to me about it!)

About not criticizing priests, I disagree with that. I think if a priest is doing something wrong he should be called out on it. That's how priests get away with all that child molesting and stuff -- because people think it is more of a sin to expose the priest than it is for the priest top scandalize the child. (CRAZY)

We were watching a movie where someone made a little priest joke and my mom was all over it, "they shouldn't talk about priests like that" as if priests are God himself. It is annoying all this priest worship instead of God worship.

My whole life has been this teaching about how if you do this or that wrong you go to hell. Hell hell hell hell hell hell. Over and over. Mom would say not going to Mass was a serious matter, a grave mortal sin you can go to hell for, then she'd say "it's not ONE sin that makes you go to hell" then it was "God can do anything" and then it was "God can't change his personality or go against himself." So can he do anything or can't he?

Soooo confusing. I have pretty much ditched the idea of God. I kind of want God to exist, but not in the form my mother thinks he does. He sounds terrifying, and I have spent my entire life thinking I will never be good enough.
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Rohini Malhotra
Reply with quote  #71 
Greetings from India!! Yes, God exists!! No, He does not condone abuse and neither should we!! I am the scapegoat daughter of a "Catholic" covert narcissistic mother and have had C-PTSD, depression and BPD rage for 25 years. Recently I was on a break from work and so I began doing several things simultaneously: gymming, writing on Evernote all the instances of abuse, even non-verbal, therapy, praying the Rosary prayerfully and mindfulness. This gave me stunning clarity and strength.It resulted in letting go of the need for approval from my mother (an egoic desire which made me a sucker for her abuse) and helped me to detach from the need to make her right and give her another chance. In short, i developed strong boundaries. I read out my story to my (blind and very kind) dad who, thankfully validated me bcos I articulated everything so well and he finally got it. I pray fervently for my mother's soul even though she seems incapable of self reflection and compassion. She too is constantly virtue-signalling through goody goody forwards which belie what a monstrous abuser she really is. I'm even looking into having her prayed over (as in deliverance prayers) because this could have a demonic origin. God can break any stronghold so it's our duty to keep praying. That is my way of honouring her. I don't speak or have any eye contact tho I'm living with my parents right now. Mindful prayer has given me a positivity, hope and equanimity that I wouldn't exchange for worlds. Hope this helps xx
0
Rohini Malhotra
Reply with quote  #72 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Madalyn
Oh yes, N's and religion!! Reading thru all of your posts I could see my mother in each one and the pain you have each gone thru.

Just this morning I got 2 religious forwards from her, she does this alot. I get forwards but no feedback on my health or her grandchildren or any other aspect of my life. If she sends me Godly stuff I guess she thinks shes "a good mom"  NOT!!!!

She hides behind religion to keep from having to be sympathetic.

As a child I was made to walk to sunday school or bible school.  I did love bible school, we got icecream and goodies..lol!  She stayed home and I cant remember her asking anything about our time at church

Many a time we were made to get up for church when just the night before she hade her boyfriend in our home overnight. Some example to set....

My mom is knee deep in debt, credit card, and loans. At age 73 she should be free and clear. We try to tell her it has to stop and she says "God will take care of it"

I stopped going to church 3 years ago. I felt empty there. My woods are my church. I have always felt God there. Sometimes he is distant but I still know he's real.

N's use their religion to control and manipulate.  My God is the one in my heart. Its a personal relationship. I dont go around spouting him or sending forwards. Mom will send those rediculous ones that say something like "send this to 10 people and you will be rewarded" or worse yet ones that threaten you may be sorry if you dont forward them..[rolleyes] Oh holy cow, do they really believe that stuff!!!!

I have gained much wisdom these last few days on the boards. I've been on the other N thread also. You have all been there, suffered the hurts and I'm learning how to not be a doormat again

THANK YOU lovely ladies

Madalyn




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