Aging Parents and Elder Care logo

Support Group

Find Senior Care Services for Your Loved One

We have partnered with A Place for Mom to help you find the right senior care services for your loved one. A Place for Mom has established a nationwide network of carefully screened senior care providers and facilities ... everything from home care and assisted living to specialized memory care facilities. We are pleased to bring their referral service to you free of charge. (A Place for Mom is paid by their participating senior care providers and facilities.)

A Place for Mom has been helping seniors and their families find the best senior care for their needs and budget for over 10 years. Their knowledgeable and compassionate Senior Living Advisors will guide you through your search and can provide local support and resources. Let A Place for Mom help you online or call toll-free (877) 311-6092.

Register
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
Deborah

Registered:
Posts: 17
Reply with quote  #1 
My MIL, living with us, is seeing and talking to her deceased husband. Today, she's mad because he's with another woman. (The other woman is usually her at w younger age.) She is really upset about this. Part of her knows it's not real, but part of her believes it. We have talked with her doctor about this. He put her on and anti-anxiety medicine. It doesn't seem to be working real well. She has also been know to walk and talk in her sleep. I'm afraid she will wonder off. She can't get out of the yard, but the top of the fence is an electric wire and she has a pacemaker. Anyone else going through this? Anyone have any suggestions?
__________________
Deborah
0
Unregistered
Reply with quote  #2 
With that scenario, nursing care is the best place for her, especially memory care facilities or look into Medicaid if $ is a problem. Get an aide to come at home to help you out at times.
0
Deborah

Registered:
Posts: 17
Reply with quote  #3 
Thanks for the suggestion. We are going to talk to our PCP first and then go from there. I don't really want to put her in a facility, but can't keep going as things are. With hubby and I the only ones to help her, it's hard.
__________________
Deborah
0
BC
Reply with quote  #4 
Deborah, when you talk to her PCP please have her checked for a UTI if that hasn't been done. In the elderly one can cause the most alarming symptoms..in fact any infection can. Also please read the entire list of side effects for all her meds. You can google them. If her PCP isn't a gerontologist s/he may have your MIL on doses that aren't right for a woman her age. If you see any possible conflict, discuss alternatives with the doc. 

With sudden change in behavior, my first thought is UTI and the second is meds especially if there have been any changes recently. Anti anxiety meds are very tricky business for elders. My third thought (and perhaps it should be the first one is a mini stroke or TIA. My mother was first diagnosed with Alz, but was having TIAs that went untreated for several years before we switched doctors.

About wandering, you may find some useful tips here
http://www.webmd.com/brain/10-ways-to-prevent-wandering
0
Deborah

Registered:
Posts: 17
Reply with quote  #5 
She has a urine test every time she goes to see the doc. It could possibly be TIAs. But she just saw her heart Doctor in the last couple of months. She was on too high of a dose of her blood pressure med and her BP was too low. Then her pacemaker kept going off. Don't know the reason for that.

We, not her doctor, have taken her off of the meds that cause dementia symptoms. I will be looking up all of the meds that she takes, even the OTC meds.

She really scares me at times. She talks out of her head. And is jealous of her younger self. She sees and talks to her deceased husbsnd. And other people, in pictures in her room. Sometimes she is so out of it that it worries me so much. I don't want her to go to a nursing facility. She doesn't deserve to go to one of them. I know that some are good, but some aren't. I worked in one for a good while years ago. They are as good as their aids. Some just don't care. Some care too much. Too many of the residents are so lonely. A lot get no visitors. I tried to treat them all as if they were my parent or grandparent. Most just wanted someone to agree with them and to care. Thank you for the information. I'll look into it.

__________________
Deborah
0
TheAmusingcrazy

Registered:
Posts: 2
Reply with quote  #6 
Hey Deborah.....Even I agree too. nursing care is the best place for her where nurses can take good care of her 24x7. It's not necessary that you are always available for your mum and this is the biggest risk you will be taking on her safety. My mum is also a dementia patient and during late nights she ought to walk in sleep and one day she fell from the staircase. In that accident, she broke her ribs. You can't guarantee on safety until a person keeps an eye on her. Then I had to hire a professional caretaker from personal nursing care in Toronto. I would suggest you the same. Hire a good caretaker who can keep an eye on your mum 24x7, even in your absence.
0
Deborah

Registered:
Posts: 17
Reply with quote  #7 
We and her cardio doc have taken her off of some of the meds she was taking. She is back to normal! First, she was taking too much BP meds, then too much hormone replacement. She still dreams some and thinks they're real, but only when she's been sleeping. No longer has hallucinations and delusions while awake. I praise God for that. There are times she still irritates me, but I'm sure I do the same to her. LOL Two hens in the hen house syndrome.

Thank you all for your support!

__________________
Deborah
0
BC
Reply with quote  #8 
Deborah, what fantastic news.. for you and your mother. Even if the right decision for you now or a ways down the road is a facility placement for her, it would have been very hard to 'fix' this meds problem if she were in a home now. Many times, staff feels that THEY have so much more experience than you with aging and its associated issues and will ignore your concerns. There are other places that will work with you like an Olympic team but I am afraid the former is more the norm. By putting off placement her money will last vastly longer if that is a consideration. 

Of course you irritate each other at times.. just pick your battles and compromise when it is harmless to do so. It may also help whenever possible to give her choices so that she doesn't have the frustration of feeling irrelevant.. Nothing wide open like what do you want for dinner but Mom would you like A or B for dinner and you are actually choosing but she feels she has input. 

I have observed what you say is going on with her...the dreaming continuing after waking for a while? I don't know if there is any scientific explanation but I know you aren't alone and she isn't the only one. It really does seem to take longer for them to make the transition from one state of consciousness to the other and it can be confusing for both of you.

Hang in there, you do good work.  
0
Deborah

Registered:
Posts: 17
Reply with quote  #9 
Things seem to be going a bit better for My MIL. She is now having breathing problems and swelling feet. She was on prednisone, but we took her off. Since she's quit taking it, her feet have not been swelling as bad. She still has her daydreams while dozing though. Her loss of breath seems to be getting better, too. She was taking breathing treatments (Breo), but stopped when we read the side effects. Asthma type side effects. Like she needed more trouble breathing. She is now on anxiety meds. Although she sleeps more, she is breathing better, and not having the terrible dr arms as before.

I do most of the care-giving, and settling her down as hubby doesn't have the patience with her. I do get resentful of my Sis-In-law at times. I am going on a much needed vacation, a cruise, with same Sis-In-law in May. I really need to get away for a bit. I just can't put MIL in a nursing facility. I used to work in one, and some of the aids are horrible. There was one of the aids that worked where my Grandmother was that had AIDS. And they didn't furnish the aids with gloves. We told them we didn't want her in helping my Grandmother. Anyway, if you do put a loved one in a nursing facility, visit them at odd times on different days. And go at night, or mornings or noon. Don't have any set time. Surprise visits are best. Oh, one more thing, most nursing homes know when State is coming to do an inspection. They clean everything up and have all supplies needed at those times. I know that there are some good, but some are so bad. And some of the help is very abusive!

__________________
Deborah
0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply