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katfl7

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Posts: 1
Reply with quote  #1 
I am middle out of three daughters we haven't gotten along in a long time.  i have to leave my job and move in with my mother to care for her.  She had decided to leave me her condo and a third in the bank when she passes.
Since 2010 when my father first became ill I have been the one to run around to nursing homes the VA doing all the paper work dealing with everyone taking care of everything thing and working.  I used all my vacation, personal time off taking parents to drs etc.

My sisters especially the younger is making my life hell, if my mom would move I would to get away from their abuse.

I do it all no one helps me they just keep a file on me and try to dig up dirt on me...
Does anyone else have this issue?  Am I perhaps getting too much, I am a fair person. 

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Mike Gamble

Super Moderators
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Posts: 53
Reply with quote  #2 
You are one of our caregiving angels.

If you haven't done so already, I recommend that you and your mother talk with an attorney who specializes in elder law to:
  • make sure your mother's will is up-to-date, and
  • to appoint you as her durable power of attorney for finances and health care (in some states, the latter is known as a health care surrogate).
Then, keep a daily diary of what you spend for your mother's care. This will help protect you if your sisters start questioning the expenses you or your mother have paid. 

As far as your sisters are concerned, ignore them as much as you can. Some family members do sometimes have good suggestions, but in your case, they nose around to make sure that you aren't spending any money unnecessarily for your mother's care. Why? Because they feel entitled to maximize their "fair" share of your mother's estate. So sad!

Stay strong. Your work will not go unnoticed.
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Deborah

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Posts: 17
Reply with quote  #3 
Katfl7, it seems that some people are more equal than others. My mother and sister were closer than she and I were. She left both of us in charge of her estate. We had the biggest blow up ever! Since she is 4 years older, she took complete charge. Including telling me that my son was going to be a pallbearer. THAT didn't happen. It was so bad that I told her that she was a witch (with a B) and always had been, and everyone knew it. Anyway, it took over a year before I would even speak to her. After we started speaking again, she didn't treat me like I was a small child any more.

The main thing is to do what you think is best for your Mom. She is the one that is most important. When she is gone, they will be regretful, but you will have done the right thing and have no regrets. Keep your chin up, and don't let them hurt you any more. You are a angel on earth. It takes an angel to take care of someone and to get blamed for everything that is bad.

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Deborah
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