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kaybee
Reply with quote  #16 
OE
 
I examine the bald fat potbellied guy on the table…
You know, when I examine the guy
On the table looking at acute aggravated hypochondria
And mala fides
Of an imaginary disease that hides
Within his insides
I believe
I am naive,
And he, the perfect liar
...
I cautiously say,
You are in trouble
Hard of hearing,
He says it is yellow and thin
He hides his desires and
Spouts his feelings'
I ask him to go on
Tell me of your prostrate glands
He talks of his prosaic girlfriends
Forbidden loves
And I pry beneath the lies
He is supine
I examine
The tender jenny
That he sees in his mind
 
I note
On Examination
BP120/80,
R-18/min
Temp N
Heart tickling like a grandfather clock

Succinct recounting of facts
Liver not palpable,
No signs of disorientation
He is all attention
To the picture on the wall
A naked woman, rather tall
And he answers
Her eyes are like stools...
He drools
 
Told you dear, this would take a little time
And I may get a call from the other clinic
 
I observe- “an old hypochondriac”
No I know, to you
It does sound familiar
This man is bald
What do you tell him?
Does he have x-ray eyes?
Has he swallowed a dye?
A barium meal too
I expect
The fluoroscope would produce
A map of Australia
No?

OE
I close the door and declare
You are pregnant
And your hypochondriac cerebellum
Is spasmodic synaptic
Gargantuan infarcted
In other words
You are dead
And that would be
Rs. 750
Please pay as you leave
Do come back tomorrow
I have to check up on the endoscope
Your semicolons…
 
The patient leaves
For two minutes I relax
He peeps
Doctor, don't I need medicines?
I reply olive oil,
With milk of magnesia
And a little soda and douches of hot water
He asks,
Can I have whiskey?
I said yes, that is what the soda is for
You would like the bubbles
And that would be the end of troubles…
Take it slow
Let it in slowly
Omit the soap!
 
I forget- 250 more
Nurse, next!

Notes

1.                  OE= On Examination (Clinical Examination)

2.                  “You are in trouble”= > heard as “Urine Trouble”

3.                  Jenny=> slang for an anatomical body part desired by lechers, arghhh!

4.                  The patient has been advised to take a soda and whiskey douche finally, soap excluded!

0
Annette
Reply with quote  #17 

Well said, Anon , about boundaries.

0
anon2
Reply with quote  #18 

Insane-perhaps don't enable her by bringing her to all these appts. Only go for the usual 6 mos. checkups or 3mos ones, etc. She's crying wolf.

0
Finallywokeup
Reply with quote  #19 

Insane must have gone insane because their last post (& anon's) was May 2008. 

0
Pregnant and stressed
Reply with quote  #20 
I hope I can restart this post to get some advice. I’m currently pregnant with my first child after struggling for a few years with infertility, IVF and a miscarriage. I have a high risk pregnancy and am trying to keep my stress level as low as possible.
Ever since I can remember, my mom has been a hypochondriac. For years, she thas text me constantly listing 5 issues at a time and detailing her countless health issues. Every time I talk to her on the phone, she sounds like she’s dying, or she’s sleeping in the middle of the afternoon. She has been to the ER, had countless MRI’s, CT Scans etc for her health issues and doctors never find anything wrong with her. Of course, she thinks the doctors are “idiots” and “have no idea what they’re talking about”. My parents don’t have any money because my mom claims she can’t work due to her health issues, she’s scared to drive, so she doesn’t drive at all, so I know they are in serious debt over these constant hospital visits.
In the last 6 months, things started to get worse with her fake issues. She claimed she had thyroid cancer, had my dad call the entire family to tell them, only to get the tests back confirming she did not have cancer. I told her then that I needed to keep my stress level low because her issues were extremely stressful to me and my pregnancy. She recently had another ER visit/ambulance trip where they once again found nothing wrong. She sent me another text detailing the ER visit and talking about how she thought she was dying and was scared to death she was never going to see her family again. I had reached my breaking point and told her that I cannot hear about her issues anymore, that she was causing me extreme stress and I asked her not to tell me about any more issues until she had an actual diagnosis from her doctor. She responded by telling me that I’m not her daughter, that she will never speak to me again and that I am the most uncaring and selfish person she’s ever seen.
This is not the first time my mom has disowned me. Since I was a teenager, my mom has disowned me countless times, kicked me out of the horse when I had nowhere else to go and has started drama and tried to ruin any important events in my life. She started drama around my wedding telling me they weren’t coming 2 weeks before my wedding because they didn’t have the money to fly down. We bought their plane tickets that they never paid us back for. My mom is the queen of drama. She has caused drama with everyone in the family and is always fighting with someone.
I have dealt with this from her since I was a child and I am DONE. I will not subject my child to this craziness and I will not let it affect my marriage. I have gotten to the point that I have no love for her as my mother and I feel better that she is not in my life. I still struggle with guilt because I often think about what is going to happen to her if my dad dies because he takes care of her and drives her everywhere. They have no plan set up if something happens to one of them and I really think they expect myself and my sibling to take care of them financially at that point. My mom has told us that she will NOT live in a nursing home. So where does that leave us?
It has been a very stressful time for me to say the least, but I had to take a step back and realize that maybe walking away from her is what I need to do for myself and my family. Maybe it’s time to focus on myself and MY health for once?
0
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