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onlydaughterlost

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Posts: 3
Reply with quote  #1 
I know this may sound trivial, but it drives me crazy that my mother (who is 80) refuses to get dressed.  She will sit around in her house coat and night clothes all day every day.  I have asked her numerous times to get dressed, as I have all men in my house (my husband & sons).  She will get dressed one day and then find an excuse so that she will not have to get dressed again.

When I was living with her, I was never allowed to lay around in my night clothes.  Now that she is with me she does everything differently than when I was coming up.  We have not lived with each other since 1993 and I am seeing some habits that I am not liking. I do not want to disrespect her but these things are really nagging me.

It has gotten to the point that my sons (although they are grown), will not bring anyone home because they are afraid of how Nana is going to look or worried that she will have something snobby to say to their friends.

I don't know what to do, does anyone have any suggestions.
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Mike Gamble

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Posts: 48
Reply with quote  #2 
I recommend that you set some firm boundaries on her behavior ... what you will accept and what you won't. Take a look at our article, "How to Set Boundaries That Work for Toxic Parents, Partners and Siblings" for ideas about boundaries that work. Also, you and your husband need to decide what the specific consequences will be if she doesn't respect your boundaries. Tell her what your boundaries are, what the consequences will be, and stick to your guns.

If she continues her disruptive behavior, call your state's Adult Protective Services (or whatever they're called. You will usually find them listed under Aging Services.) Explain what's going on and ask them to do an evaluation of her with the ultimate goal of finding other living arrangements that are more suited to her (and your) needs.

It's a shame that you have to choose between her and the rest of family. But, if nothing changes, you and your family will be the ones to suffer. After all, she's the one who's painted herself into the corner.
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