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Reply with quote  #1 
I have been the primary (and most of the time-only) caregiver for my Grandparents. My Grandfather had dementia, numerous heart attacks and strokes. He passed away 5 days ago. My Grandmother has diabetes, chronic cardiac conditions and difficulty ambulating.
Since I am a nurse, everyone just assumed I would be the one to take care of them. Even though I am an ER nurse and didnt specialize in geriatrics. There are 10 Grandchildren. My Grandparents had 4 children, 3 of which passed away, including my mother. I wouldnt change the time I have spent with my Grandparents for anything in the world.
About 4 years ago, I left my dream job as a Corporate Clinical Trainer. I took a job in my hometown so I could care for my Grandparents. About 3 years ago, I had to move in with them as my grandfather's dementia progressed. My Grandparent's didn't ask and I didnt offer to pay rent, since I left my job and left my home to be the caregiver. In October, I resigned from my job because my Grandfather basically needed care and supervision 24 hours a day. I had a decent amount of savings, which I was planning to use for my September wedding. I scaled back because my Grandparent's well being is certainly more important to me.
At my Grandfather's funeral, my brother (we have a strained relationship) told anyone who would listen that I "was living off of my Grandparents" and that i was taking advantage of them. Our relationship is strained so deeply because has been trying to have them placed in a state ran nursing home for years. I wouldnt even consider placing them anywhere, especially a state ran facility. When out mother died when we were young, they did not place us with the state.
I dont feel like I have taken advantage of them. It sounds really selfish, but I feel that I have sacrificed more than enough. The cost of home health is crazy expensive, even if they only needed a home health aid most of the time.
I am just looking for some neutral opinions. Thank you!
Reply with quote  #2 
You are completely in the right and your brother feels guilty and is being a jerk
Mike Gamble

Super Moderators
Posts: 53
Reply with quote  #3 
Hi Jess,

It's not unusual for relationships between brothers and sisters to become strained, or even break, as a result of caregiving. In your case, I suggest that you ignore your brother and continue to care for your grandmother just as you have been ... you know in your heart that it's the right thing to do.

I do have a quick question or two. Who is your grandmother's power of attorney for finances? Are you your grandmother's health care power of attorney (in states, it's called being a health care surrogate)?
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