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Mike Gamble
Reply with quote  #1 
Here's a very interesting article:

          Do You Attract Narcissists as Friends?

Mike
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Tina
Reply with quote  #2 
Thank you. I enjoyed reading that and also followed a link to 'Narcissists' in general. Not to sound flip but as I reflect on the 'friends' article, I ask myself 'what friends?'.  Could it be that ACON's lives have been so consumed by a Narcissistic mother , father, spouse that acquiring friends becomes a lower 'priority'(or in stronger Narcissitic language 'not permitted') ?
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wertas
Reply with quote  #3 
I have spent years trying to figure out what it is I give off that attracts narcissists

I found friendship very difficult because of my low self esteem

I think I allow myself to be surrounded by narcissists because it was familiar

I do find it easier to be alone

By the way this link just took me to an advert for a book that an article am I looking in the right place?
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Carolyn

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Posts: 9
Reply with quote  #4 

My dad's narcissism played a large part in my developing Borderline Personality Disorder, one trait of which is having trouble maintaining relationships.  I used to attract people that would allow me to put them on a pedestal and become their doormat but somewhere along the line - IDK, maybe I just got too worn out to cater to them anymore - I stopped jumping at their call and dealt with the pain when they 'dumped' me.  I now have VERY few friends, but they are friends I have chosen because we have interests in common and enjoy each other's company.

Dear ol' Daddy Dearest messed me up but good - my husband and time (and lots of therapy) have helped me make great progress in recovery.

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Terpin

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Posts: 11
Reply with quote  #5 
My Mom was the Narcissist in the family. I didn't really understand what the term meant until I googled "mothers who hate their daughters". That said I started to learn more about the impact it had on my life, and now I understand so much more about why our family was so dysfunctional. Perhaps that realization was the true benefit of caring for them.

I have been with many narcissists over the years and the ending was always a train wreck. You can't change them, and they only get worse as they age. A word of caution for anyone finding themselves in this position. Never confront them or call them a narcissist - keep it to yourself. They can cause you physical harm - I say this from first hand experience. Its not by coincidence that after being raised by a narcissist, I sought out other narcissist men in my life.

Here's an interesting lesson about what I've learned about taking care of an elderly narcissist. As manipulative as they are, and believe me, there is no one immune to their annoying petty manipulative behavior. the odd thing I've discovered is that they are actually very accepting, and easily conned themselves. This makes for big problems because they will believe whatever is told them, and hand over large sums of money to whoever they deem worthy. By the same token, it also makes them easier control, especially when they see some action as their idea.

I've actually managed to get them into an AL home near where I live, and now feel confident that they are safe though not very happy. As my wonderful husband keeps reminding me, "it's not about what they want - it's want the NEED!


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Vintagekelley

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Posts: 9
Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Terpin,
I agree, it's about what they need, not what they want.
After my dad passed from a chart illness, it was apparent my mom's ALZ was more advanced than we thought. I found a home for her near me, and she proceeded to make long lists of things she wanted from her home. Way too much to fit into the two rooms we got for her. I thought I was making her happy by having some of the nicest of her collectibles in her place. She was never happy. Finally I gave up and decided if she had what she needs, then if was all good.

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Vintagekelley
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