Originally Posted by B CounterIntuitive
When you are in a Toxic Atmosphere/Relationship(s) it is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to see past the drama of it, to be able to see other OPTIONS & other aspects of how to CHANGE your "lifestyle," your "thinking" & how you process "thoughts" productively.
A person so toxic like that can LIMIT YOU on what you NEED to see to make changes. That kind of energy & HOLD that someone has over someone else is NOT healthy. No matter who they are to you. Even though you feel the guilt, or even regret of being STUCK with your mom since FOREVER, & now feeling it will be infinity. Getting your EMOTIONS to back off so you can logically find a solution is going to be KEY. Overly Emotional & Overwhelmed = Non stop nightmare/yo-yo hysteria. Which impacts you at every level of your being. In the long run it can ruin your health, your mind & future opportunities for growth. Let's not forget the strain on your family at home.
FIRST: You need to ESTABLISH Boundaries
with your mom. It can't be YOU YOU YOU all the time when you have your own family to take care of. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. Family are LESSONS in this life, it doesn't mean we have to bend backwards to accommodate them. ENABLING them to be needy or leechy or worse prevents her from trying, & being self sufficient. Plenty of technology out there!
SECOND: If she has a phone (smart phone: android or apple) There are APPS you can download that you can cruise through & play with & then TEACH HER HOW TO USE THEM. Here is a LINK to apps that have been talked about that are LANGUAGE TRANSLATORS.
(paste & copy link into https field) There are plenty when you just search for them on your device as well. Some are free, some might be a monthly fee. BUT it's better than what you are doing. https://www.fluentu.com/blog/best-translation-apps/
THIRD: There are PLENTY of FOOD companies out there that can DELIVER boxes of food to her door step, including frozen and dairy. (again, paste and copy link in to https field)https://www.verywellfit.com/best-grocery-delivery-services-4159966
You can even SHIP her stuff from AMAZON like toilet paper, depends, tissues, (in bulk).
FOURTH: UBER : Their everywhere. Their cheaper & most of them have texting for people who are Deaf, so working with someone who has a translator app (like when you go to other countries, let them deal with her & her app). ALSO, if she wants to go out to eat somewhere, FIND a forum with ITALIANS that do group dates that she can hang out with that does lunches/activities etc. Just like BINGO...they even have transport they take together. (Again, the key is for her to find her OWN life vs enabling her to be rude to you, & co-dependent).
FIFTH: Bills...You can put the money in the bank, and then do an AUTO payment deal where you login to the computer from wherever you are. I know that Wellsfargo (I'm sure others do this as well to keep up with their competitors) will cutt and mail the checks for you. All you have to do is have the name, address and acct number saved online. SO you login, select the ones for auto pay and the bank does it for you. Really look into it!
For the HOURS and PTO that you are losing you can have these TOOLS for her to have things delivered to her door step, & aid her in her own activities. Let her learn to take control of her own life for once, vs having everything else done for her. One of these days YOU WONT BE THERE. Due to being really really sick, or in an accident (just saying, life is short, one day your here, the next your not.)
Get her PROACTIVE...Since she doesn't know how to do it it'll be a good lesson for her survival instincts to kick in.
LASTLY: Yes, it is going to suck! Change HURTS. Our old ways of dealing with others & patterns of behavioral abuse are going to cause us nightmares or body fits once we GET AWAY from what was making us SUFFER. It's a detox process. I went through a year of nocturnal panic attacks where I woke up not being able to breath & taught myself how to break my bodies addiction from verbal and mental abuse from my mother. You have a long way to go. I had 35 years of her abuse. Now I help others wake up & move on.
DON'T FEEL BAD about what you have to do. You are doing what is RIGHT FOR YOU. You have a life too. Hence why you sister is doing what she is doing. People move on, it's not cause she doesn't love you, it's her creating her boundaries of what is no longer positively serving her. You need to do the same and follow. PEOPLE HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEMSELVES if they learned it or not. It is a life lesson. They'll get over it when they see how much suffering they caused someone.
I hope this helps you!