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Trying2Understand

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I've been caring for my FIL for about 7-8 year's now & honestly it's taken a toll. I have no parent's or have had a family. I've taken care of my FIL for a very long time now, as previously mentioned. I find myself, at times, frustrated at why such a good person has to be "forced" to suffer with this tragic disease? He used to be such a loving, kind, & gentle individual. I see with this disease, it's not only changed him, but it's also changed me as well. His son, my husband, had his father move into our home, as he progressed with this. He's about a stage 5 from what I understand from taking/speaking to the Nurse/Nurse's Aid that comes to care for him. He's has been bed-bound for many months now. I (honestly) don't know IF he's going to be one for the wandering aspect of what this disease causes? It's a concern as it was just mentioned by the nurse that saw him yesterday. We have a two story home & he's in one of the 2 bedroom's upstairs. The other thing, I personally struggle with, is trying to do it all for him. His son, seems to have distance himself from his father. I don't know IF it's because he's not the man that raised him or if there's something else I'm missing? Either way, I've been (more or less) forced to step up & do what his father requires.

It seems, the last few week's, his father's progressed with what I call/refer to as "game playing stage" with me. He's fighting me, but won't do it for the nurse/nurse's aid & last but not least his son. I find this difficult, as I've been the caretaker for him, since this started. While I've been told NOT to take his behavior(s) nor attitude(s) personally, it's easier said than done. It's painful when everything I've done for him, he fights me tooth & nail on now. It's even more painful for me, when his behavior(s) is such when he doesn't want to cooperate, for lack of a better word right now. I've made all of his meals, in the past & currently still make some thing's he's able to eat. However, as mentioned above, the last few week's he's declined with afternoon & evening meals. I've been making my own "shakes" for him. That's the only time, as of lately, that he seems to "acknowledge" who I am. He used to call me sweetie or dear. Now, I just get a 'glazed look' when I'm doing anything for him. 

I will, can & do say this much. It truly affects you, your life, & a lot more than you every imaged possible. I don't truly do anything any more, but stay in the house. The only time I can leave, is when the nurse/nurse's aid is here or when my husband's awake. With him working 3rd shift, that's not often at all. I will say this much, you can truly never prepare one's self for what this disease will not only do to the loved one, but more what you have to endure yourself. No amount of book's, websites, or even support place's I've visited, checked out, or "explored" have not helped me be prepared for what this (tragic) disease can/will do. It's hard enough to watch someone die, but this isn't something that is quick. As I've mentioned in the start of this, going on 8 year's. The "rollercoaster rides" this has taken me on is so heart breaking. I'm sure, IF he could describe it, it would be close in my opinion.

If there's any way to make this, not only 'easier' for him, but myself, please...I'm up for any good, positive, helpful suggestions/ideas.





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We are only lost if we don't find our way. By:Trying2Understand
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nerd girl

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Trying2understand,
My heart goes out to you and your family. It’s hard to not take it personally because it’s VERY personal. When someone treats you mean, how Can someone not have a reaction to it? Maybe it’s more like we’re supposed to not show how we feel? I’m new here, so I’m probably not one to look to for advice. I sympathize though. This may sound weird, but sometimes I utilize my imagination to get through situations. For instance, it sounds like your FIL has two distinct different personalities to him. First, the man you have known in the past who is probably kind and considerate. Secondly, there’s the game player. It’s like he’s got a split personality. Why not run with that idea? When you’re dealing with the game player, how can you bring out the personality of the “old FIL”? Wow... I’m going to have to think about that for a while. Can you think of anything? I don’t know what his mental state is like. Can you give us an idea of how his mind is working and how he responds to you? Thanks and hang in there.
Nerd girl

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