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Reply with quote  #1 
Well, my dad's nurse just called and told me that my dad's legs are pale and she can feel no pulse in either of them. My dad's legs are normally a very bluish purple and have been for years. Sometimes, his feet and toes have even blackened and the nurses have warned him that he may lose his toes, but miraculous, that has never happened.  

Earlier this month, when my dad had pneumonia, he really looked bad to me and honestly, I didn't think he would make it. I began to think about everything that I would need to do if he didn't make it, but once again, he rallied!

In the last decade, there have been several times when I began to mentally make plans and to prepare myself. Now, once again, I find myself mentally preparing for the inevitable! My grandmother and my mother both died suddenly, so I didn't have to prepare.

Just last night, I asked my husband if he remembered where we had stored my grandfather's good suit. Since his nurse has told me that he is in kidney failure, I know that I will need to put my hands on it soon. I am mentally making preparations, but I've not looked for the suit. To have it in my hands means that it is definitely going to happen, so I just keep putting it off.

My dad's nurse said that the doctor has seen him and has ordered test. I guess I had better go see my dad today. How many times do you have to prepare yourself? 
Do you find yourselves always bracing for the worst?
It's just a dark cloud that always hovers overhead.
Mary E.
Reply with quote  #2 

My best wishes, Kathy, for whatever occurs.  I think that what you described, the dark cloud always hanging overhead is what keeps us under stress all the time - the waiting and expecting the other shoe to drop.  And this has been your life and your adrenaline rush for years and years.  Take care of yourself, OK?, OK?  You know, I have come to feel fond of your Dad - Many hugs, Mary

Reply with quote  #3 
Kathy, I'm sorry to hear you have yet another crisis to deal with. Your dad sounds very ill this time. However, should he pick up again as he has done before, then there is an interesting piece of equipment that I have just yesterday purchased for my father which could help with the circulation in the legs. His legs are amazing colours, so swollen with fluid retention and his feet full of arthritis.

This is the address of the web site that explains it all

I tried the machine out myself today. It was really quite impressive and I have great hopes that it could actually make a significant difference.

All the best to you and your dad.
Rachel B.
Reply with quote  #4 

Hi Kathy,  I would say no, it's not unusual to have those thoughts all the time.  In fact, I think it's healthy that you accept the inevitable to whatever degree, even though you don't know when it will happen.  Those who refuse to think that the end will ever come have a much harder time.  It sounds like you're just where you need to be right now.  I know things have been difficult with your Dad for a long time.  In his case, you have a chance to say goodbye, in whatever form that takes- even if he doesn't realize that's what you're doing!  Your amazing strength and clear mind will see you through.  (Along with hubby. )  Keep Taking good care of yourself and stay in touch.     

Jane in MA
Reply with quote  #5 
Let us know how things are!  I hope things are not as dire as they appear. We are thinking of you!!!!

Reply with quote  #6 
My dads legs are somewhat similar, but as he is still fairly mobile he gets a bit of exercise and that keeps them stable.
Dad turns 95 this year  - for the last ten years he has been saying, I won't be with you much longer. So I was in a state of expectation and preperation. Now I just say, yeah, sure dad, what do you want for Xmas dinner this year?
You just don't know what to expect; I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Everyone,
Thank for all your well wishes! My dad's Doppler test showed that he has very little, to no blood circulation in his lower legs. The NH doctor wants him to see a vascular surgeon as soon as possible, so they will schedule an appointment Monday.
I can't believe any doctor would do surgery on my dad! He can't be a good candidate for any operation! The man has open sores on his feet that he has had for years! The nurses just keep them clean, apply salves and keep his feet wrapped with gauze. This was going on even when the home health aids were treating him at the house. It is apparent that his feet will not heal.
I don't know---sometimes I feel like I am in the movie, "Ground Hog Day". Every day seems to be the same as the day before, well ---except it's a daily different crisis and I know y'all know what I mean 'cause you go through most of the same things.
Of course, my dad is thrilled with the thought of seeing another doctor and he would agree to any and all surgery. Heck, if the doctor wanted to transplant my dad's head on a chimp's body, he'd be all for it!
My dad has so many health issues going on. I think at this point, even pulling a tooth could hasten his death, but what do I know anyway?
I will just see what this doctor suggest and let my dad do as he pleases!
I really appreciate all of the support that I receive from everyone here. I just need to talk to people who understand and who will listen to my mindless chatter and rants! And, I want to jump off my hamster wheel and bury my head in the sand!
Reply with quote  #8 
Kathy, you're so funny. I'm amazed too that a doctor would recommend surgery at that age, when so many complications could occur. But as we all know, they are all about keeping people alive (such as it is) and making that money!

Keeping you and your father in my thoughts, as usual. Maybe you should find that suit. Who knows????

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