| sierraseven |
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Reply with quote | #31 |
Patty, I don't have anything to say to add to the excellent posts already made - I just wanted to let you know I am one more saying, STAND YOUR GROUND - DO NOT LET HER RUIN YOUR HOME AGAIN - a visit for a few hours during the day might be OK (cover the furniture with plastic!) but if she tries to wheedle her way into an overnight, I agree - PACK A BAG AND LEAVE. Remember we are with you here. Stay strong. |
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| Stellazz |
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Reply with quote | #32 |
Just wanted to add my voice to the other cheerleaders here - absolutely not!!! You have the RIGHT to live your own life, with your loved ones, in your house, without dealing with the kind of abuse your MIL hurls at you. SHE is responsible for the way she is, not you. Best of luck to you!
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| Patty |
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Reply with quote | #33 |
Hey all,
well hubby got out of letting his mom stay this past weekend and she was mad!!! She called on Monday and wanted to know when he was coming to get her and he said Mom its monday we have to work all week!!! She thought it was friday!!! Anyway she was totally mad at him. He looked at me and smiled!!
Also we were talking this morning and she is suppose to come spend Thanksgiving with us! Which I hate the thought of this, but... anyway I told Bruce I said you know she is going to want to stay and he said "Ive gotten used to not having to put up with her and I dont want her back here!" He says he feels like he needs to let her come now and then just to show that he still loves her but said he knows that he cant put up with her more than a couple days at a time. She is doing his sister just like she did Bruce now and his sister says she will get an attitude and pout or go to bed when she dont let her have her way. Said shes started pooping all over her house now and they are all talking about putting her in a nursing home. Bruce still gets calls all the time and when she has an attitude he tells her he has things to do and gets off the phone with her. Also I just had a death in the family and we went by to see her after the funeral she never spoke to me. Just found out monday that all the stress Ive been under has made a mess of my stomach, I go for endoscope on this monday and they are already talking about surgery in a wk. Not something im looking forward to. Bruce told his mom about it and she just said well you are still coming to get me and let me stay at the house some anyway!! She asked him what was HE going to cook for Thanksgiving dinner!! She acts like Im not even there now. Which according to doctors if I have this surgery Im going to have to stay on a liquid diet for about 6 wks. They actually startted me on all liquid diet this past Tuesday. So looks like my holiday dinner will come thru a straw or feeding tube!!! Anyway Im trying not to stress cause the doctor told me Tuesday that its the stress that has caused my stomach to basically eat itself up along with my esophagus!! Bruce says she wont come back here to live, I told him one day is too long!! But I do understand its his mom and Im really trying hard to deal with the fact that both Thanksgiving and Christmas we will have her for 4 days!!! Im hating the thought of that. I will be spending my time in the bedroom those days!!! Take care and thanks for all the advice and input it really keeps me sane!!
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| gee whiz |
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Reply with quote | #34 |
both christmas and thanksgiving ?! gee whiz. How nice that check-receiving-sister gets to spend her holidays in peace and quiet while you and hubby are dealing with poopy momma ? ugh. I feel for you.
good for Bruce for not having mom on the weekend. see,that is what you have to do. You basically have to stand up for yourself, and say 'no'. If they pout, they pout.
her little antics of pouting and pooping when she does not get her way are going to land her in a NH - sounds like they are already considering it.See where her manipulation and tirades and selfishness is going to get her ? right where she does not want to be! She needs a lesson on 'what you sow, so shall ye reap' and 'you get more flies with honey!'
not that one would want a lot of flies. lol.
patty good luck with your surgery and focus on getting better. sorry about the liquid diet thing. Yuck. I think recovering from surgery (needed because of STRESS) is a plenty good excuse not to host momma over Thanksgiving. You do not need that.
many prayers for you.
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| Sparkle |
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Reply with quote | #35 |
I don't see why she has to stay overnight at all. And if she doesn't act like you exist, then Bruce shouldn't let her come. Just because she wants to, doesn't mean she can have free rein of your house anytime. She's already proven that she doesn't care for your carpet, furniture, etc. If she will not respect you and your house, then she shouldn't be allowed to have overnight stays. And if she does, then I would tell Bruce that he will be paying for you to stay in a motel until she's gone. And if there are messes, he cleans them up.
Bless your heart-having stomach problems from all the stress. This just isn't right, and Bruce needs to man up. It's obvious that she wasn't concerned about you--just that she gets to visit, and what she'll eat. I think Bruce should say she can't come at all right now, if surgery is required. That's all you need-to have to deal with her after surgery!
Thinking of you-Sparkle
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| goodwillgal |
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Reply with quote | #36 |
Patty
it is time for another 'talk' with Bruce. Bruce really needs to tell nasty mother that you are having health issues, so it is NOT a convienient time for a visit. Bruce needs to stress to nasty mother how important YOU are to him, and your health concerns are his first priority. he can tell her it doesn't affect his 'feelings' for her, just that after your operation HE will be taking care of YOU.
of course she will not understand, of course she will pout & pitch a fit,,, let Bruce have all her reactions to not getting her way right in front of his face, easier to say NO to someone being down right selfish & nasty.
it is almost funny, she calls SIL's house a prison, because she is expected to act like a considerate person, she can't be her nasty leach self.
the stress from nasty mother caused your health issues, you definitly do not need to be around her, and why should you spend your holidays in your bedroom whilst nasty mother soils your home.  this should be your FIRST holiday season ALONE together as a couple.
if Bruce cannot face nasty mother & tell her NO to the holiday visits, then he can LIE & tell her the two of you have made plans to go away & will NOT be there.
maybe as a compromise, Bruce can let her come for Thanksgiving dinner, THEN GO BACK TO SIL's ,,,, NO over night stays  .
the stress of nasty mother can put your health at a greater risk. stand your ground again Patty.
blessings for a pleasant holiday season.
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| Patty |
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Reply with quote | #37 |
Hey all and thanks so much for your advice and info!!
MIL called last night about 8:30 and wanted to come over. Bruce said NOW?? And then went on to tell her that we both have to work!! Well he is going to pick her up after he gets off work. He wanted me to go with him to help him and I said NO!! Which of course started a argument! He just DONT GET IT about the way I feel about his mom!! I told him flat out that I pay half the bills here, sometimes more than half but yet feel that I have no say so in her coming over at all!! I know its his mom but this is crazy!! I told him she needed a mental evaluation and he got defensive and said shes just a hateful old woman!! Im on a all liquid diet until further notice and I have not been feeling well at all and I hate the thought of her coming over here this weekend. he said he would tell his sister to pick her up on sunday but still!! He says he has things to do outside that WE will be busy outside all weekend. I told him that he mite but i dont have the energy to be outside all weekend. By sunday I will probably be sleeping in!! If he thinks im going to get up and fix breakfast and help take care of her he has another thing coming cause she acts as if im not even here, Im going to act like i dont see her. Im not helping him do anything with or for her!! I told him in our arguemtent that Im tired of dealing with her. I wouldnt have problem of her coming over if she would do what she could to be half way nice and clean. Anyway we had a heated argument over this and I told him I said we never argue unless its about your mom! And what gets me is I tell him over and over I dont want her here for the entire weekend or the holidays for days. And he says well I will take care of her!! And I told him I said you dont get it! I said you have tunnel vision when it comes to your mom and shes all you see!! im so tired of this and I told him I said all this stress with your mom is what put me in the health condition that I am in now!! And just like always he tries to change the subject!! Im sorry to vent its just that ive got alot on me and his moms attitude drives me nuts. Bruce acts like I have no say so in when she comes over, how long she stays etc. I tell him and fuss about it, but when she calls, he runs to mama!! I asked him last night I said when have you ever told your mom well let me talk it over with Patty and see if she may have plans? NEVER! Because his mom comes first in his life and he has made that so plain to me!! Not in words but in actions!! Im tempted to leave but right now I dont have the money as I take ALL of my checks and put them into the bills and groceries. I never have a dime on me to do anything else. Much less get a room. He seems to me anymore to be just as screwed up as his mom. Cause if I have no say so in who comes over and messes all over the house then this is not my home, its just where I live!! The more I stress over this the more I hurt because the stomach acids seem to go wild and are just tearing away at my stomach and throat! I hate the thought of the holidays, I hate the weekends. Especially this one because Im on an all liquid diet, Im weak and if he thinks Im dealing with his mom and her messes he is crazy!! I will take a couple sleeping pills and sleep the weekend away if I have to!!! I know you all must think I am a monster, because this woman has made me dislike her so much. I would never do anything to hurt her but I cant stand to be around her for 5 secs!! please pray for me and my sanity!!
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| OhDear |
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Reply with quote | #38 |
Patty,
When/if she stays with you for the holidays, could you stash her in respite care somewhere?
Then Bruce could bring her to your house for a while as a 'visit' but the second she gets nasty or poops- back to the respite care facility!
ps could you put some blank lines between paragraphs? I absolutely read everything you post- can hardly wait for the next update, but it's hard to read a huge block of text.
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| Patty |
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Reply with quote | #39 |
sorry will try to space my paragraphs. I was just so upset this morning when I wrote I never thought about a space.
Im still very heated over our argument last night. He says Im angry over nothing that he cant just tell her that she cant come over. I told him he has every right to tell her that she cant come over if she is going to pee and poop all over everything.
I am not going to help with her period!! Her bed still has not been changed and I dare him to ask me to put clean sheets on it cause I know I will explode all over him. Im not going to help do anything with her. I told him I said if she comes over its all on you. Dont ask me for anything.
I plan only to go out and do what I have to for the animals in the morning and afternoon but the rest of the time I plan to stay in the bedroom. If and when I have the money to go to get me a room the next time she comes over I am going to do just that!! but I plan to sleep most of the weekend so he can deal with mommy dearest himself
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| NGA |
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Reply with quote | #40 |
Patty,
Could someone at your church help you out with this? There might be someone who would offer you a room so you could escape.
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| angst |
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Reply with quote | #41 |
If you could time it just right, I'd change the locks on the door while he was out to get momma.
While he is busy looking after momma, who is going to look after you? You are on a liquid diet, going in for MAJOR surgery, and NO ONE IS THERE FOR YOU.
I don't like this picture.
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| Patty |
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Reply with quote | #42 |
You know guys right now I dont know anymore. I mean we got lucky with hubby's sister took his mom off of our hands 24/7. And Bruce says he likes having a life. I know that I do. But having her every weekend or every other weekend drives me insane. Maybe Im being selfish, but she hates me and has no problem letting me and the world know that.
She will talk to Bruce like Im not even here, she will ask him things like Im not his wife. She will totally ignore me when she does see me. Yea maybe I did "steal" her son from her. Shes not his wife shes his mother!!!
And what im so irritated about right now is that Bruce still jumps when she calls, but yet its not like that with me. Tonite he had to go to town and asked me to go with him, I told him I have no plans in going anywhere with him this weekend, and he said Geez thanks, and I reminded him of a couple weeks ago when I told him I wanted to go home and he could go get his mom, he drove right past our house and I said where are you going, he said since we're out I figured we'd go ahead and get mom!! he suckered me into helping him that day, I told him you wont sucker me into it this weekend!!
I dont know if he just thinks im stupid or if i really am stupid anymore!!! I have the endoscope on monday morning and surgery a wk later and I dont feel like cleaning up her poop and putting up with her attitude and nastiness!! Am I wrong?? If anyone thinks that I am being a little crazy please tell me, maybe I am blowing this thing out of proportion but Im just telling it the way I see it. When she is here no one has a life. Bruce spends every moment waiting on her hand and foot trying to make her happy. Ive never seen this woman happy!! And ive busted my butt trying with her.
I think back when me and Bruce were "dating" if you want to call it that. And I stayed here one night to "babysit" mil while he went with the guys to play cards. Well she finally went to bed at 12am and she told me to just wait up on him. I crawled into his bed at 1am. He had his friends bring him and my car home at 3am and he couldnt stand up he was so drunk. His friends said he just needed a night to get away from her and have a break. I was mad but as you can see I forgave him.. Then like a dumb butt I married this mama's boy and he drives me nuts when it comes to her!!
He is constatly doing things for his son and his sons friends and then calls me to do things for them and I am so so so very tired of it period!! I love my husband but enough is enough. Sometimes I feel like im just here to help pay the bills but have no say in anything that goes on around here!!! I just want to sleep my days away
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| Patty |
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Reply with quote | #43 |
and as for me having help when I have this surgery. If she is not here Bruce will bust his butt to take care of me. If she is here then I will come in 2nd like always. im not getting my hopes up, if he brings me home and gets me in the bed the rest I will just have to find the strength to do if his mom is here. |
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| gracenotes |
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Reply with quote | #44 |
Oh, sorry. But, my suggestion is that you spend Thanksgiving in a neutral place. How about a Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant. After all, you are in no shape to cook or even eat, for that matter. That way there can be some time together (or whatever you want to call it), there can be Thanksgiving dinner, and she can go back to SIL's. And, Denny's has plastic seats!!!
Just stand your ground, stand your grand. Who cares if she is angry. Look how she has been eating up your insides. Does she care about that? No.
There is absolutely no good reason for her to come to your house on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any day.
And, no, Patty, You Are Not Selfish At All. Who wants to spends their weekends with people who hate them and play games and cause you physical illness. Stand your ground and keep her out of your house.
You now have another option for Thanksgiving -- eating out, and who cares if she does not like it. She is not going to like dinner at home anyway, either.
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| goodwillgal |
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Reply with quote | #45 |
Patty
He says Im angry over nothing that he cant just tell her that she cant come over.
Bruce cannot say no to his nasty momma, but seems like he has no problem saying no to your wishes about not having nasty momma at your home.
what is most troubling is Bruce bringing the very person into your home that caused your medical crisis. her presence there will only increase the very stress that has brought you to have major surgery scheduled. he will be careing for nasty momma when he should be taking loving care of you.
go get yourself a room, do not worry about the $$, if nasty momma was not there, you would not need to get a room. but you DO need to remove yourself from the stress of her presence. weather you can afford it or not, it is Bruce's call who he spends the holidaze with.... his wife or nasty momma.
draw your line in the sand & stand your ground, stand your ground. Bruce needs his eyes open a bit more. when Bruce leaves to get nasty momma, make yourself scarce, let Bruce wonder where you are. just leave.
BTW, you did not steel Bruce from nasty momma, loving MoM's want their son's to have a lifemate.
blessings for standing your ground
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