| Rhonda |
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Reply with quote | #1 |
I care for my mother in law because her kin folk will not. I am tired. I do my best by her and her family. But I get no credit and I am left feeling that they think that I neglect my mother in law when I don't. She tells them sad stories like she don't eat and don't do anything. But this is by her choice. I make sure she is well fed, clean and bathed, I give her little chores to do during the day to keep her busy, I take her to her doctors, and get her meds, I make sure her meds are always at hand for her, I do her laundry, and so much more. But she makes me feel and tells everyone things that make them think that I neglect her so. Her and her family treat me as if It is my responsibility to care for her just because they do not want the bother. I love her but I am tired, frustraited, and need some help.
What am I to do?
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| florence |
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Reply with quote | #2 |
are you new to the board if so you have gome to the right place you will get helpful advice but you need to let us know what her health peoples are and my best advice is to write every thing you do for her and whe she has to go to the doctor tell them you want a copy of everything done for her so when you have to talk to the family yoiu have every thing they need to know and if you have to go to anther doctor you have the info for them too |
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| Lora C |
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Reply with quote | #3 |
Dear Rhonda,
I read your post last night, and all I could think of is that you are deserving of respect, at the very least, for taking care of your MIL. I'm sure others that have read your post will join me in giving you support in this impossible and thankless endeavor you've taken on.
Can I ask, where is your husband in all of this? Is he part of the chorus that is dissing you, or is he your ally?
Does the elder have her marbles, or is she losing it? Her behavior is either calculated or she's in some state of dementia and doesn't remember from minute to hour. It can be a combination of the two. Elders with memory loss learn to "cover" quite well, especially when the condition progresses slowly. They also find ways to get more attention, no matter how much attention they get, they always want more. Let's face it, most would prefer to be anywhere else than spending time with a failing elder, and they know this.
It sounds as though she is living in your home. You already have elder caretaking skills that someone else would be happy to pay for. See what you're skills are worth in the market. Live-in caretakers pull down some serious money. Contact your local senior center, they have elder care resources and support. Knowledge is power, and you need both.
I think you might want to get some boundaries in place with family. This isn't your parent, her care is ultimately their moral responsibility, not yours.
Stand up for yourself girl friend. They will continue to disrespect you until you do.
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| Olivia |
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Reply with quote | #4 |
Rhonda,
Are you sure you didn't run off with MY mother-in-law? They must be the same person! (LOL!)
O.
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| Saturngoddess |
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Reply with quote | #5 |
Rhonda -
I give you credit - at least you love your MIL. I've grown to despise mine. Wait - she was never really a nice person anyway, but these last years have killed anything I have ever felt for her.
The siblings that don't participate - they will always be judging you - I believe it's because they feel guilty for not participating in her care. My SIL is the prime example of this. She's here for maybe 12 days a year, yet feels the need to judge me on how I deal with her mother. They will NEVER be happy - get used to it now.
I echo Lora's thoughts. You need to stand up for yourself. I have done that numerous times with my SIL. She Still doesn't get it - I think she feels since she is visiting and it's MOM's house (of course, without us living there, MOM wouldn't have the house) she has free reign over everything.
I heard once that adults that visit the parents' at their house revert back to children - it has never been as obvious as it is with my SIL - and from other stories on here, it's the same way - look at pq's brother!!
I hope that your husband is on your side and gives you support - if not, then you have a bigger problem. Let us know so that we can help you. But stand your ground - it's important for your piece of mind. It's too late for me - I'm already lost.
Hugs..
Laura |
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| pq |
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Reply with quote | #6 |
"I heard once that adults that visit the parents' at their house revert back to children - it has never been as obvious as it is with my SIL - and from other stories on here, it's the same way - look at pq's brother!! "
Do I have to? 
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| angst |
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Reply with quote | #7 |
It is time to turn over the care of your mother in law to her family. Tell them you are no longer able to do it, and they need to make plans for her care. Give them a DATE that will be your "quit date".
I have learned, much to my chagrin, that when your good intentions are taken advantage of, you are allowing it.
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