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Dillie
Reply with quote  #1 
I dream, often vividly.  I'll admit that some of them have a precognition note.  Call it hokum if you like, I dreamed my Dad would die about a month and a half before he did.  My long-gone FIL told me.

Anyway, my MIL has been all over my dreamscape.  I go to sleep to get away from her.  But there she is.  Having various tests that I'm lugging her to.  I ask these docs why?  She has next to no quality of life and is kissing 80, how will these help?  Docs: she just needs them.

In last night's episode, she was to have surgery to determine why her kidneys do what they do.  But docs, why?  How's it gonna help her?  Docs:  we just gotta know.  Didn't matter how I protested, they did it anyway.  I awoke before the outcome.

Well, dang.  Can't get away from this situation or MIL anywhere now!

Dillie
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Equality
Reply with quote  #2 
Dillie,

Do you think your MIL is going to die soon?

I do not think what you dreamed is "hokum" I knew when my mother would die. I told family and friends in advance. She died on that day.

Are you upset by these dreams?



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Prodigal
Reply with quote  #3 
My sympathies, Dillie! Many of my dreams are haunted by eldercare stress ... wheelchairs that won't roll, pills that dissolve into liquid when I try to take them out of the bottle. Sometimes I'm trying to pack her stuff and every time I turn around, there's another pile. It's like we're living the geriatric version of Alice down the rabbit hole ...
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Dillie
Reply with quote  #4 
Equality - I'm not so much upset as aggravated by them.  Kinda like "Can't she let me sleep?"  There are days I think she's gonna outlive us all, but no, I see no immediate concerns, but with her list of ailments, going into her room one morning and finding she passed would be no surprise.  That's why Son isn't allowed to go in Grandma's room before DH or me.  That and her tendency to have her bare bum sticking out.
My dreams involving precognition are more bright.  The last one I had, with FIL, MIL was following him around like a shadow.  This one was probably a stress dream, but either way, she can keep out. 

Prodigal - I like the mental picture of Alice.  We definitely live in an altered reality as caregivers! 

Thanks for not poking fun at the mild weird factor.

Hugs,
Dillie
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Dillie
Reply with quote  #5 
Equality -  I shouldn't have dismissed your question about MIL dying.  She's still with us, but I've had dead relatives running around in my head and a feeling of dread ever since I posted about my dream.  Why can't they give me the lotto numbers while they're in there?  I asked DH if that was weird and spooky, he said not where I'm concerned.

On the 14th, we took MIL to the hospital for extreme leg pain.  She has a UTI (big surprise - NOT!) and a small leg clot.  Her BP was through the roof, one reading was 191/90 and that wasn't the highest one.  I'm still stunned she hasn't had a stroke, but I'm very glad she didn't.  Last night her heart went back into a-fib, I kinda wondered if she would.  I was watching her heart rate bounce up and down yesterday without her doing anything.  Tis gonna be a long week.

I already told SIL that if she meets the 3 day standard, and she will, I'm going to push for her to go back to rehab for 3 months.  She's in her right mind this time, maybe we'll see benefits.  (I know, but I can hope...)  I also told her that if MIL is unwilling or unable to do rehab, we're going to have to place her in a NH, she's getting beyond our abilities.  I don't want her to go, but I don't think she can come home, we're so tired.  I haven't said anything to MIL yet, I don't wanna kick her while she's down.  I'll wait and kick her when she's up, I guess.

Love and hugs,
Dillie
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Equality
Reply with quote  #6 
Dillie,

You are too funny, "lotto numbers", wouldn't that be better for us if our visions included them!

Please do not medicalize the end, because it makes death a trauma, not a transition.

I exhausted myself dragging my father to the doctors, to ERs, to rehabs for 9 months( ( i also had my mother. who had Parkinson's at home recovering from a broken pelvis so I was more than over burdened)

My father had a horrible ending, I was too tired to be anything but relieved when he died. Pneumonia, bedsores, gangrene, etc. i saw the same drama play out with my MIL and my ex BIL. Oxygen tanks, blood transfusions, pills and more pills.

My mother's end was different, nearly seven years after her first and only fall, she fell and broke her pelvis for the second time. She came home from re-hab , worked with the PT and seemed to be doing okay. Overnight I could see that something had changed, her PT saw it , too. Each day there was a change. Food stopped tasting good. She did not want to get out of bed. Her feet turned purple. She had multiple retropulsion falls. Death was coming to claim her.

My mother wisely opted for nothing to be done. She did not want her medication adjusted, but we tried it anyway.

She became incontinent. She could not swallow. Her body was failing. She agreed that she wanted hospice to come, when the PT suggested it to her.

Hospice did come ( not often or long enough for what it is paid) and because of it, it was a far better and less exhausting ending for all of us. My mother gradually stopped eating. She stopped drinking, which created a "dry death" It was a clean and sweet way to die. No iv's and tubes. No gangrene. No bedsores. No agonizing pain.

The hospice nurse massaged her, an aid manicured and pedicured her nails, I put Chanel perfume on her wrists and behind her ears. We held her hand and talked to her. everyone came to say goodbye. She was dressed in a pink lace nightgown when she took her last breath, surrounded by flowers and family photos. Andrea Bocelli was playing in the background. It was a beautiful and kind death.

My mother always said she wanted a "Walton's death" and she got it. She got the good death, but only because she opted out of the medical insanity.

When the time comes I hope your MIL has a good death.



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