So glad i've found you all to talk to, I have always stuck up for my mother but now at 29 I think i'm starting to see things as they really are.
I am adopted (from a baby) my dad is a wonderful man who I never have a cross word with, he is laid back, not a worrier and always has great advice, this sounds awful but I think if mum was not here me and him would have an even better relationship because she is so jealous, I cant even have a conversation with him without her wanting to know what it is about, over the years I think she has bossed him to the point where he just accepts it.
When I was growing up my mother would 'crack' me (until well into teenage years) usually around head when I was 'naughty' I cant even discuss this with her and tbh ive come to let it go I even think she would deny it now, but from this early age I think this has instilled a sense of 'fear' around my mother.She is on the whole negative, miserable, calls everyone, falls out with people and is very jealous of things unless they are on her terms.
She also has a strange opposite side? one that will do anything for anyone, they have helped me financially with my business and will come into work to help but not accept any wage, but then she will use things against you and be a martyr over it.
For the last four years I have managed to shield my husband from her nasty side but sure enough now cracks are starting to show as she doesn't like him having an opinion on work or basically anything...
She is super jealous of any time spent with the in laws and you can almost sense her totting up the time we have spent with them v her, I think if we had children the sharing of any care would be an absolute nightmare.
The trouble is my mum is turning into my nan who was very strict not very showing of love etc, I want to help her but is she just programmed to be like this?
She is hard to talk to and flies of the handle usually ending up in bursting into tears being the victim, I feel guilty etc etc.
The power that she has is basically quite shocking and when I know she is unhappy or likely to fly off the handle I feel physically ill.
I dont want to cut of contact, any help or advice would be greatly received thanks guys!