Dear Jen, it sounds like it's time to detach from your mom, otherwise you will find yourself telling this story over and over and nothing will change. Your own serenity and health is what is important, to be there for YOURSELF first. We can't change anyone, we can only change ourselves.
The book that started me on this great journey "Understanding the Borderline Mother." It was an important book for my own recovery. Al-anon meetings also helped me detach.
It all comes to a point one day when we get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Your reaching out today is one step on that path.
Eventually, through detachment and setting boundaries, I had a great healing with my mother before she died last year. I just accepted and realized she wasn't going to change very much, even as she was dying. I forgave her for not waking up and then she kinda woke up! I think detaching and forgiving freed both of us. What a gift these difficult relationships offer us. Bring it all into your gratitude circle, start setting boundaries, read uplifting literature and get well.