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gloria wrote:
My mother has had dementia for the past 10 years.  She maintained a fairly happy lifestyle until she could no longer crochet.. She stopped watching tv 2 years ago because she couldn't understand it anymore.   just this last year, all she wants to do is sleep.  When I go to get her up in the morning, she says "please just let me lay for a few more minutes.'  I go in there and find her snoring for the next 2 hours.  I know she is at peace with her sleep. I have to force her up to eat and have coffee and all she says and wants to talk about is how tired she is and "can I go back to bed now?"  We've tried to engage her, get her to fold clothes, water plants,dust but to no avail..I think she finds her peace at sleep.  Would you want to live if you cannot do purposeful things and see how you are losing your independance every day?  One day I will do exactly what she wants and let her sleep allllllllll day.  After all she says to me "i have had to get up every morning all my life and I think I have earned this."     Just a thougt
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This is so sad!  Just hard to put into words  how I feel!  My mother is deteriorating so quickly.  She has dementia and just wants to sleep all the time.  Will eat and drink if I bring it to her.  she lives at home with my dad and  handicapped brother.  No one there tends to her like they need to and they won't let her come to live with me.  I feel so helpless.  Anyone that has any perspective on this would be welcomed.  I need some support.  I just don't know what to do.  Thank you.
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Jan to Denise
Denise, I'm so sorry to read your post, you are so worried about your Mum and trying to find a way to help her.   I guess it's your Dad and Brother who won't let her go but do you think, if there isn't one already, that they would accept a carer going into the house to her if say, you could organise it?   Maybe just a few visits would allow some kind of assessment of how she is being cared for and perhaps then, some other decisions more helpful to your Mum could be considered.   It's so hard to watch someone we love deteriorate but maybe there are still options for your Mum that would make her more comfortable at the very least.   There will be more helpful suggestions and advice from the others very soon and I hope that there will be an answer that works for you.

Good luck and take care, Jan.
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Hello everyone and thank you!

I have been reading all your experiences and they have been so moving and helpful. Both my parents have dementia (vascular and Altzheimers). It has been the most difficult 2 years of my life. The whole thing. Financial, mental, emotional, stress, frustration, confusion, anger, sobbing, screaming, fighting - and that's just me!
The often disgusting lack of knowledge in SOME care homes, the fight for human dignity, the tunnel that never seems to end.....being an attorney for both of them, having to learn the legal aspects on the run...the fear of getting it wrong.....and all this before one even comes to terms with what is happening to your loved one....
I took the route of alternative medicine with both my parents (acupuncture, herbal remedies and healing) alongside orthodox medicine and l have to say it brings a completely different light on the whole situation and has kept me going...and them-
The excessive sleeping has now hit mum...but we try to keep a balance. Sleep, days out, stimulation, more sleep, good food and fun. As long as it is done with kindness and compassion. Balance is the key. A little bit of this and then a bit of that-every day. Routine and flexibility.
But whatever you are doing make sure that you force yourself to sleep, eat well and take exercise too. Even 10 minutes of 'me' time a day is guilt. Guilt changes nothing-what will be will be whether you are feeling guilty or not. And keep your friends in the loop. It is easy to lose sight of them when you are overworked and exhausted. Make 1 call a day to a friend......they miss you.
Keep the faith
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Denise sounds like you need to call local city or county senior social services to visit for your mom's good.
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Hello I was reading the article about your mom sleeping sideways my mom does the same she says she does it so she won’t fall off her bed she feels safer so I let
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Carol Ann wrote:
Been here, but busy life, and keep returning for help.... I have an important question and need to know if anyone knows or has had issues with this:

Mom has dementia for several years, been in NH for almost 2 years and seems to be getting worse....she will not get out of bed, lays sideways in the bed with legs and head off each end.  She will get up with force, but will slump back down and go back to sleep.    She refuses to get dressed or go to the dining room, and wants her food in her room.   Each time I visit her, she is fast asleep in crazy ways in the bed.

She is almost 80 years old.  With Dementia for several years.

Please give me any information from anyone on this.

Thank you so much, Carol Ann
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I’m so sorry , my mom has one of the last stages I assume all she does is stay in bed or go to the bathroom but that’s it , I just moved into my sons home he had been taking care of her for several yrs , he had to go on a job expedition and called me to let me know I had to drop my whole life and job I didn’t think twice but she’s not remember from one minute to the next she ask me the same question at least 25 times a day , now she’s forgetting people I just introduced her two she doesn’t recall talking to my son a week ago !! All I do is cook and clean up 3 meals a day I know I’m doing God work it’s just extremely physically and emotionally hard on me !! Something has to give and she throws temper tandems when she doesn’t get her way I need help I’m worried she might hurt me , she’s very aggressive and mean and violent outbursts when she drinks no more wine for her I love my mom But it’s hard on me because she was never there for me !! I know it’s going to get worse unfortunately I right her journals daily and read them to her now her legs hurt she can’t stand on them this is all part of This nasty disease. It’s just bringing me down she doesn’t even realize or know how much I do for her thank you and prayers for your mom as well Jamie
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