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Ok... I usually don't frequent support groups because I feel that I can take care of everything myself but I'm wrong--there, I said it! 

Reading some of the stories in this group made me realize how common issues like the ones in my family are. Additionally, how siblings tear each other up and "favorites" pop up, I didn't see this coming. 

Briefly, my 86 year old dad is a diabetic that has gotten progressively worse and doesn't seem to want to do anything for himself. He stubbornly refused to use his walker last year, fell, and broke his (other)hip. They fixed it but his condition worsened as a result and had his left leg amputated and developed an ulcerated condition on his right ankle from being bed ridden. Either the caretaker, my brother, or I have to lift him on and off a commode next to his bed. By contrast, my 83 year old mom is a spry, tough woman. But, they hate each other.

I don't know how long they've hated each other but we siblings took sides and blamed one parent or the other amongst our--sometimes even switched sides with the feeble goal of "fixing them." Fortunately, I think we caught ourselves and embraced civility. Our parents raised us to accept that infighting leads to perdition.  But this last Thanksgiving weekend, my tough mom ended up in the ER with a rare stomach issue that some feel was brought on by the stress of looking after my stubborn dad. 

The reader of this post can probably tell which side I've taken. It's fairly obvious that I've never really gotten along with my dad but I manage. My sister typically blames my mom. Even when my dad did something to her, she blames my mom for "letting it happen." I'll deal with this later.

At this point, I'm expecting that mom will make it through her medical emergency. But I'm also expecting that they'll still hate each other and I'd like to understand why this happens to some elderly couples and how to avoid it in my future? Is it a resentment thing? Who can we talk to? I've reached out to some professionals only to get, "oh, that's pretty common..." but that's not an acceptable answer. There are at least two of us in our family that are dedicated to solving my parents' issues but we need to understand a strategy.

Any help is appreciated. thanks
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