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Hi all

I live at home with my mum, I'm in my early 20s and I've been working for 6 years, studying part-time (now for a degree). I have a loving partner and friends. I've always struggled with my thoughts and depression at times, and I've been seeing a therapist for over a year, which is helping me deal with my emotions. It's also spurring on a lot of anguish.

I'm on mission to make my future 1000% better than my past. I don't remember much from growing up, other than mine wasn't a particularly happy household. I've heard from family that my parents had me as sort of a last attempt at making their marriage work, but alas they were unhappy and got divorced when I was around 9.

My dad has been with another woman since then, and we have a pretty poor relationship. He doesn't know me very well and doesn't try to. I used to get on well with his current partner but they've now moved away and I see little of them.

My mum is now 60, miserable, has only one friend that she rarely sees. She has been on her own since the divorce. We have a toxic relationship, the mother-daughter roles are reversed and I spend a lot of my time worrying about her. We get into spats about how she talks to me, and especially about money.

She's been in debt a few times and my dad bailed her out once or twice when I was younger. She perpetually lies to me about money. I tried to set up online banking for her once and she ripped up the documents and threw the banking log-on fob in the bin (it transpired she was in debt then also).

We fight about anything and everything and this evening she lied to my face about how much she owes a shopping firm. She point-blank said to me that she owes nothing but when I put the phone on loud speaker the operative said the amount was £500 (a relief, considering how much debt she's been in before (£3000+)).

I feel like she wants to ruin my life. I work full time but as I'm paying for university I miss a big chunk from my paycheck. I feel guilty when I spend days at a time at my boyfriend's because she has no one. I feel awful when I'm at home because we normally argue and I'm surrounded by everything I don't want in life.

She looked after my grandad (who lived with us for a decade) which was very difficult and he was an incredibly selfish man. He died last year and I thought this might help my mum, but she's still as tired, stagnant and deceitful as ever.

I contribute to food and bills, and she washes and irons my clothes. I mostly support myself now, but I'm not able to support two people. I'm petrified she's going to be stupid and get in debt again (she may well be now) and I'm not going to be able to do anything. Or I'll spend all my savings bailing her out.

More and more I want to leave and move in with my boyfriend but I'd miss our dog and she'd stay stagnant in a three bedroom house that really needs some tidying up and some fresh paint. My image of her future is her withering away in debt and it makes me so upset, but I'm so angry that she doesn't want to do anything more with her life.

I can't rely on my mum to take care of herself and I don't know what to do. I know I can't make her happy, but she spends money because she's miserable and materialistic. She could really turn my life upside down in the future if I'm left with her debt.
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