This is exactly how I got my Mom back to Assisted Living. She lived with me for a year after my Dad died, and I was going insane! I did not want to go home and I felt totally trapped.You will never have time to plan for this to happen, so I suggest that you inquire at either a NH or Assisted Living place. Find out if there is an opening, know what the costs are and how it would work. Here is how I worked it out. My Mom fell and hit her back and broke her wrist 3 days after my Dad died. I had to call the ambulance to take her to the hospital. My husband was out of town and I was home alone with her around 10:30 at night. At the ER we were told that she had broken the wrist so bad that she would require surgery, so they wrapped it up and sent us home with appt to see an orthopedic surgeon the next day. Of course I was dealing with trying to have my Dad's funeral and all of those arrangements. My Mother's dementia was really speeding up. She kept taking the splint off of her arm and throwing the bandages in the trash can, and then saying that she didn't do it, wondering why her arm was hurting--it was terrible--I just wanted to run away! In the mean time I am still trying to hold down a full time job. So, two days after the funeral, I took her in for surgery. She had no idea why she was there!!!! I called her regular Dr the day before she went in and told him that he just had to keep her at the hospital after the surgery for evaluation, and from there she was going back to AL- that I just could not take care of her anymore. The surgeon had to do the surgery and then agree to admit her and turn her over to the regular dr who then admitted her for evaluation. It was a good thing because after surgery she got out of bed and fell 2 times. The first time she pulled out her IV and messed all over the floor. The DR came in and found her on the floor. Then before they could get restraints for her, she got up again thinking that she heard me in the hall, and fell and broke her kneecap. So the Dr and I came up with the idea to put her in the Skilled Nursing Facility part of the hospital for a few weeks. This gave me time to call the Assisted Living and find out exactly when I could move her back in and get her furniture out of my garage. I worked it out so that I moved all of her furniture back to the AL and had it all set up so that when I brought her home that day, she went right to the AL. She never had to come back to my house and then leave again.
I can't begin to tell all of you how liberating that day was for me. I felt like a caged tiger running out into the woods. I still have the daily frustrations of her living 10 minutes away, and being the only one she has, and the guilt, but nothing can compare to them living in your house and consuming your entire life. The day that I knew that she was going to the Skilled Nursing Facility, and from there to the AL, I went right home and took everything that belonged to her out of the room she was staying in. I packed it up and put it in the garage with the rest of her furniture. I scrubbed that room from top to bottom, cleaned the carpet, sprayed Lysol, opened the windows and aired it out. I felt like a 100 pound weight had been lifted from me.
I strongly recommend this method as the way to get them out of your house. I told my Mom that the Dr would not let her come back home to my house because she needed 24 hour supervision. I told her that her choices were to stay in the hospital, go to a Nursing Home, or back to Assisted Living, and those were the only choices that he gave me. I just let it sound like those were the doctors orders.
It has been 6 months now since my Mom has been back at AL. Since then she has been in and out of the hospital 7-8 times. I deal with the guilt of that every day, but NOTHING compares to the resentment I had when she lived with me.
This is the only way I would have ever been able to do this. There is no way my Mother would have willingly gone back to AL without my Dad. I just advise all of you to do your homework, be prepared when the time is right so that you can just make a few calls and avoid all of the stress.
If you don't live it, then you have no idea what it does to you.
Thinking of you all!!!