Registered: 1456879758 Posts: 4
Reply with quote
Ok, so two grandkids did come over to stay two days with MIL while I needed to go away for weekend. I almost missed my flight because she kept asking me to do things including taking her to the doctor (nothing wrong with her), & to get up early to cook adult grandkids breakfast & then lunch (I said no, feeling like I am being treated like a servant). Additionally, they cooked for her over the weekend but she told them the dishwasher was broke (it was not) so they did not need to clean up the dishes- that I would get it, so I came home to an big mess thx to MIL taking me for granted.
Registered: 1456879758 Posts: 4
Reply with quote
You are exactly right, I am realizing that I cannot be taken advantage of unless I permit it.
My MIL is 91 yrs old, hunched over and barely walks due to circulatory issues, but otherwise in fairly good health and mind since she moved in with us 8 months ago. My husband works a lot and has a long commute, he is supportive WHEN he is around. He never wanted her to live with us, but I insisted she move in when she had health issues and we were traveling 3 hours to her house every weekend to help her (I also did not know at the time what a huge manipulator this sweet but deceptive little old lady was). He knows she is controlling, and he is sympathetic with me but also says "I told you so". He also sees that it is not safe for her to live alone, she falls frequently and cannot cook. She is a very anxious and stubborn woman and will never agree to going into an assisted living facility or have an aide come in and help at home.
This past weekend, before I left to go out of town, I asked MIL twice if she had enough medication to get through the weekend, but when I arrived home, she complained her feet were swollen and she could not walk because she was out of the medication for edema. So I ordered it online and ended up waiting 90 minutes at the pharmacy. When I returned home she was upset that it took so long, I just handed her the medication, I did not say a word, and I went to bed leaving the kitchen a mess from the grandkids (normally I would have stayed up and cleaned it, but I am becoming fed up).
This morning when I did clean the kitchen, MIL was very quiet; she noticed a change in me but she continued her manipulations. She kept insisting today was Saturday (it's Weds). I realized later she knew very well what day it was, but was intentionally trying to start an argument with me because - 1) to make me think she is losing it so that I will feel sorry for her and let her be MORE dependent on me 2) to punish me for going out of town, 3) to try to keep me from going back to work. I have been out of work for 5 months, I had three interviews this week, so hopefully it will not be much longer. I cannot wait to get away from her but I fear she will try to sabotage my new job by trying to make me late or her having to constantly go to the doctor. My husband cannot wait for me to go back to work either, he has been carry the household financial load. Additionally, I think he is tired of hearing me complain about her, plus hopefully I will be less of a target for MIL if I am gone more often.
Her constant anxiety, complaining, and moaning is ridiculous and exhausting, especially when nothing I do makes her feel better. She wants me to sit next to her all day, wait on her hand and foot and have no life but her. Her whole life, she has always had someone taking care of her. She lived with her parents into her 30's and after that she lived with a boyfriend for 25 yrs who took care of her every whim until he passed away five years ago.
At our house, her room is off of the kitchen so she does not have to do steps because she has difficulty walking. My husband and I have the upstairs bedroom, bath, laundry and a room we turned into an office. As mentioned, she does not do steps, so we have some privacy upstairs but she calls us on our cell phones if she thinks we are up there too long and interrogates us whenever we go up or down the steps.
When she is in a mood she says "Where were you- I could have fallen!?" Sometime I wonder if all her falls are legitimate or some a ploy to control us; fortunately, she has not been seriously hurt yet. I take her laundry upstairs to do it but she instructs me every time how it must be washed. The focus must always be on her, she gets irritated if I look at my phone or the computer too long instead of her (narcissism ?). She refuses to be alone for no more than a few hours. She sits in complete silence for hours ruminating on negativity & loneliness, complaining that no one calls her, or everyone is too busy. She only seems happy when people call her and she can talk all day. She used to make herself food but now she refuses to eat unless I make it, and expects that we all sit together at a certain time, every meal, every day, even when we have other things to do. She gets upset if I make only her a plate. Needless to say husband and I rarely have a date night.
She does not know how to occupy herself, I've tried to get her interested in books, crafts, and puzzles. I offered to take her to the Senior Center but she finds every excuse not to go. If I turn on music or TV to lighten the mood, she turns it off. I put music on my phone to play when I go downstairs so she cannot turn it off. She argues with me over taking her meds, and does not follow the doctor's instructions, but instead does what she wants. She often sleeps during day & then complains she cannot sleep at night. I hear her up at 2 a.m. and I pray she does not have another fall and I have to take her to the ER AGAIN. I put those little night lights everywhere, she pulls them out, I put them back in. Her doc prescribed sleeping pills but she refuses to take them.
I suspect she is also a hoarder. Half a century of her junk is in our basement from moving her in with us, she will not let me throw broken stuff away or donate anything not being used. I have to sneak things out when she is not looking but she is always around and knows exactly what was moved or missing.
She also likes to go clothes shopping for expensive clothes that do not fit her just to look at them hanging in her closet. I try not to take her to the grocery to avoid arguments because she fills the cart with items we could not possibly eat before they perish, such as 10 bags of grapes or items we do not need like 5 gallons of soap. I found it most safe and affordable to take her to the dollar store.
Next month, I rescheduled an appointment for a neurologist to evaluate her for possible dementia (she refused to go to 1st appt because she became suspicious I made the appointment instead of HER asking to go) otherwise she requests to go to the doc several times a week, making up reasons to go. The grandkids are upset I mentioned the words "possible dementia", their denial has already started before any diagnosis.
One time, my husband was out of town, MIL did her normal routine of saying she needed to go to the hospital because she did not feel well. I made an appt with her primary care doc but she refused to go. I told her she did not need to go to the hospital so she called her grown grandkids and got them all worried and they called me saying that they will call an ambulance if I do not take her to the hospital. So I ended up sitting 5 hours in the ER while she had temper tantrums with the doctor, nurses, & me because of the long wait; they found nothing wrong with her. I look like the horrible DIL if I do not take her to the hospital when she asks to go.
I noticed when MIL is with me, she acts and speaks like a helpless infant (English is her 2nd language) but when other people are around her or call her, especially her grandchildren, she speaks English very well and acts independent and intelligent. Observing this double behavior was when I started realizing I was being used & manipulated, from day one. I googled "Living with MILs" and found this site. I am learning I am not alone with this situation, and feel very stuck.
My own mother passed away in her early 60's, I felt robbed of seeing her enjoy her golden years. I thought this is another chance with my MIL. My father recently un-expectantly passed in his 70's, I wish I had more quality time with him. I want to cherish the time we have left with my MIL, and not have it be so full of resentment.
Registered: 1485316539 Posts: 6
Reply with quote
So many stories about mothers-in-law where the majority are negative.
Mine's negative too, but not really that "bad", tolerable and manageable. She is the domineering type who can do no wrong, imposes her beliefs on her adult daughters (that includes my wife) and plays favorites. That she had a husband (my FIL) who was submissive and didn't lift a finger to address her overbearing behavior only served to encourage her. We live in a 3-door apartment where my in-laws occupy the first slot (facing the street), us (me, wife and daughter) at the second and my unmarried sister-in-law at the last door. The youngest lives in a separate house (her in-laws) in another part of the city. Except for rare occasions where she is agitated and angry, I observed that her meddling has been practically eliminated. During this time, I noted that my sisters-in-law made some "adjustments" to accommodate her habits. This included a vehicle and a driver to take my elderly in-laws to the mall daily to pass away the time, daily allowance was provided and dinner every Saturday after attending the usual weekly mass. I encourage others to take this similar approach. What would appease your mother-in-law to get her off your back? For my part, I also maintained some "distance" so she wouldn't feel too comfortable and start giving me instructions on practically about everything similar to what she did to her daughters. The habits, "unique practices" and peculiarities I can stand and live with. What I found disturbing and which has often been the reason of my disagreements and sometimes heated discussions with my wife was her upbringing based on the principles imparted by my in-laws. They were expected to take care of the household expenses the moment my in-laws were no longer working, purchase of expensive items such as clothing and shoes when similarly lower-priced items would do and the expectation that our daughter would likewise contribute to the household expenses. Because her funds were diverted, we couldn't pool them for the purchase of assets couples usually target - own house, vehicle and occasional foreign trips. Well, each husband has his own tales about his mother-in-law. I'm sure my wife has regarding my mother. But that will have to come later.
Reply with quote
My mother-in-law has bin living with me and my wife for 15 years she is 90 years old,all she talks about is death she is not a happy person at all, her husband died 3 years ago, my wifes bother and his wife won't take her for a overnight stay and when they do they will bring her back in 2-4 hours, they claim they have partys to go to so they can't take her much, wife is battling cancer and don't need the stress of thanking care of her mother but we're stuck with her because her bother and his wife don't want her in a nursing home, this is my pain.
Reply with quote
This thread has been such a God send! Thank you for being so honest. My feelings are so validated. My MIL is a sweet lady. But this gets harder with each passing year, especially raising small kids in a small house + caring for her here too. She won't eat if we don't cook for her. She sleeps for days at a time, followed up by days of being in my face all day. She does not bathe, do any chores at all, ever cook, and hasn't left the house even to go outside for some sun in over a year. She NEVER EVER leaves the house. Ever! She won't go to her Dr and has fallen sev times this year, and she's lost a lot of weight. Her meds, incl blood pressure Rx, ran out of refills over a year ago & she looks at me like I'm crazy when I ask her to call her Dr. She's scared of the phone too. She tells her family members that she's active, that she watches & helps w my kids which is untrue, that she lunches w me etc. I love her dearly, but it's getting to where I can't stand being around her, repeating myself over and over and trying to serve her while caring for my babies. There is zero privacy, she hears every pin we drop! Sexy time w hubby is so awkward bc i know she can hear it, and i have to monitor everything i say and do at all times. I don't understand how or why she'd want to live like this? How is living w your moody DIL & loud kids freedom? My parents would never do this, but they are independent whereas she's always relied on my hubby to do for her, his whole adult life. I know that for me, I hope i never have to live w my kids! I feel sad for her and guilty just posting this. She's wasting away and on my watch & I wish she WANTED to go somewhere where her needs were better met, where she could meet ppl her age, do fun things, etc, plus have medical care, but she's stubborn and terrified to leave the house at all ever. I love her and I feel so guilty even posting this! Thanks for listening and again, thx for all of your posts! I feel so not alone in this for the 1st time in 10yrs!
Registered: 1430186638 Posts: 55
Reply with quote
Dear Unregistered who posted Saturday, 3/18 It sounds like your MIL is depressed, perhaps severely. Has your husband ever sat down with his mom and had a private "heart-to-heart" talk with her? He may be more successful if he doesn't talk about the stress she's adding to you and your children. Instead, he should focus on his concern for her health, on her being around to see her grandchildren grow up, etc. Perhaps he could also get her outside by suggesting that all of you go on a picnic to a park she enjoys, or for that matter, to a park that your children would love to visit. Stress how good it would be for her grandkids when the whole family does more things together. That would help your kids build good memories of the time they spend with her while she is still here. If necessary, ignore the fact that she may have some strong body odor for the first time out; if she enjoys the time outside, perhaps her behavior will change for the better for the next family outing. Above all, don't try to shame her about her undesirable habits, or about the things she "should" be doing. Instead, focus on the opportunities for her enjoying some good times with her grandchildren.
Reply with quote
Originally Posted by
HELLO YOU STRONG WOMEN WHO STICK BEHIND YOUR HUSBAND'S DECISION. BUT I WANT YOU TO THINK FOR ONE MINUTE. WHAT IF THE TABLES WERE TURNED AROUND. JUST THINK.......WHAT IF YOU WERE THE ELDERLY WOMAN WHO HAD TO LIVE WITH YOUR CHILDREN AND THEIR FAMILY BECAUSE YOU HAD NO PLACE TO GO. REMEMBER.... WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. WE WILL GET OLD TOO ONE DAY. TRUST ME NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WORKOUT, EAT HEALTLY, AND TRY TO LOOK YOUNG. IT WILL STILL COME.
IF YOU ARE THE ELDERLY WOMAN, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT LEAVING YOUR SURROUNDS, LEAVING THE THINGS THAT ARE SO COMFORTABLE TO YOU, TO GIVE UP YOUR FREEDOM, YOUR INDEPENDENCE AND YOUR OWN HOUSE RULES. DEEP DOWN YOU KNOW YOU ARE INTRUDING AND YOU KNOW YOU A BURDEN TO YOUR CHILDREN AND HIS FAMILY.
WHAT HAPPENS TO THIS WOMAN...... NOW YOU ARE MAD BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DO THE THINGS YOU USED TO DO. YOU HAVE TO DEPEND ON SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP. LONG AGO YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOOK CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND NOW YOUR CHILDREN ARE TAKING CARE OF YOU.
I KNOW IT IS HARD BUT FIND THE GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE MIL. LOOK DEEP INSIDE THE INDIVIDUAL. FIND OUT THE THINGS THEY USED TO DO. BEFORE, THEY MOVED IN. GET THEM INTO ACTIVITES ( WHICH WILL KEEP THEM BUSINESS. IT WILL KEEP THEM OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS AND YOUR CHILDREN BUSINESS) FIND THINGS THAT MAKE THEM HAPPY.
I HOPE I HELPED. MY MOTHER IS ELDERLY. SHE HAD A STROKE AND CAN'T DO THE THINGS SHE USED TO DO. SHE IS SO UPSET AND LOST. I HAD TO THINK ABOUT WHAT SHE LIKED AND TRY TO HELP HER GET HER LIFE IN SOME TYPE OF ORDER.
A STRESSED WIFE
Reply with quote
So this is my first post. I am going crazy. My mother in law moved in quite recently and its already getting old. She has schizophrenia and refuses to take her meds or take care of herself by herself to be frank. We have to babysit her and give her her meds everyday, tell her to wash (multiple times since she seems she cant do it right), wash her clothes, clean up behind herself etc. She sits at home all day and doesn't do anything to help but keep trying to get pity and its getting old. We have no privacy, she follows us everywhere. We both work 12 hours a day and we cant even get a chance to wind down when we get home because she starts right back up. How this is not good enough or that is not right. I have a two year old who is not even this bad. And she wont listen no matter what we say. Now its putting a strain on us. All I ever hear about is how she did this and that. IDGAF anymore i just need a break. Maybe a real convo that does not relate to any of this CRAP. I feel like I am losing my mind and only gaining gray hairs.
Reply with quote
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I tend to view situations like yours from the perspective of who needs to be protected most, and in the scenario you presented, your two year old takes priority. A person with schizophrenia who refuses to take their meds can 1) be a bad example to a small child, modeling inappropriate ways to handle emotions; 2) take away attention and time that a small child needs for his/her own development, and 3) pose a danger to the child, especially if symptoms like delusions and anger are present. The other things your mentioned are important factors as well. It is very hard to take care of a person with schizophrenia who refuses to take their meds. Is there a way to contact your mother-in-law's doctor and explain the situation? Schizophrenia is a very serious mental illness where people can become a danger to themselves and others if symptoms go untreated.
Reply with quote
Me and my husband have been living with my MIL for 9 years. We lost our house in the last market crash. My FIL dies during us losing the house and she needed someone to take care of her. Years earlier she had a heart attack and has short term memory loss. My SIL who was supposed to do it, never committed. Long story short, we lost the house and although it all worked out, she needed someone and we needed a house, it is still hard. I am a Christian and know that this was answer for both of us but I feel tricked. I guess when we first moved in that this would be temporary! After about a year it dawned on me- “ wait! This is for the rest of her/ our lives??!!”. Cant she just go to heaven already! I know thats evil and I feel guilty for thinking that sometimes. She has her quirks but all in all isn’t terrible. It is just the whole 2 woman living in the same house thng. I want my own house! We did buy this house from her. We are remodeling it and that will spark other issues. Like- No I dont want all 59,000 pictures of all the family back up! I just keep thinking about Ruth and Naomi in the Bible. I feel like a terrible person.
Reply with quote
Found this page in 2018. I’m wondering if I’m not alone with this feeling, but hey i guess I’m not. I just want to vent this out. Been living with my MIL for 3 years now. I can say it’s the saddest moment in my life. Before my DH and I got married, my MIL and I are close. I’m blinded of all the possibilities that may happen if we are going to live all together on 1 home. So to make my story short. She intrudes my privacy with my husband and my kid. She always enter our room without even knocking and stay there. She manipulates things, make stories as if she knew what happened, there are times that I lock my door whenever my kid (2y/o) is sleeping. But she will still forcefully open the knob that you can hear loud sound from it that makes my kid wake up and cry. She’ll just stop when you open it and sees my kid awakened by her. Saying, oh she’s sleeping? Like what the hell? Didnt you know? No ones opening it so maybe you can stop doing that. Another thing is that she’s not hygienic at all. I am obsessed with cleaning everything so my kid wont get any bacteria and germs. But here she is, came from outside, didnt wash her body, nor change clothes for days, and will go to our space. I feel like dying whenever she’s around! My DH and I are planning to move out and build our new house, but guess what, she wants to stay with us again! Good God. I thought it was the end of my misery but not. So now I’m trying to convince my husband to get a condo that will fit only for 3 of us instead of building a 4 bedroom house- though i dreamed of it, but nah, id rather be in a condo so she won’t insist of coming and staying with us. I know and I feel bad about this, but this is consuming my energy and happiness. Home should be our happy place but for me, I don’t want to stay at home because of her. Note, my husband didn’t know anything about this. And he’s so naive to not even feel it. 🙌
Reply with quote
I was so glad to find this thread – it’s so reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who has these feelings toward my MIL. I’ve been trying to find ways to cope with my anger and frustration, but it seems that even time isn’t healing these wounds.
I gave birth to our first child last summer. Of course, all the family came to visit when she was born – everyone wanted to see the new baby! My daughter was the first grandchild on my husband’s side, too, so it was a really big deal to my in-laws. MIL and FIL drove to our house to visit from out-of-state, saying that they would be staying with us for 2 weeks. We found out when they arrived that MIL had no plans to drive back with FIL after 2 weeks and just planned to stay until we kicked her out (who does that?!). Well, the first 2 weeks were almost up, and she decided to leave because she didn’t feel welcome. I only found out that she planned to leave the next day (earlier than anyone had expected) because I overheard her talking to someone else on the phone. No, she didn’t bother to tell me or my husband that she and FIL were leaving the next day. Now you might be wondering why she didn’t feel welcome at our house. Well, she was nothing but intrusive and disruptive the entire time she stayed with us. She was nosing around the house, spilling food and drink all over the carpet and furniture DAILY, almost let our dog loose on more than one occasion, was loud to the point that she continually woke the baby, and was just generally overbearing. She actually came in to our bedroom while I was in bed breastfeeding my daughter – COMPLETELY unwelcome interaction for me… What’s more, she came right up to the side of the bed and started touching my daughter’s head while I was feeding her and trying to cover myself up a bit. It was so uncomfortable for me! My husband and I both really tried to keep the peace and politely turn her away when she was overstepping, but you can only deal with so much…
So, she left and made it home safely, but I was very hurt after the experience and harbored some pretty negative feelings toward her. Unfortunately, we had to ask her for help just a couple of months later, which is when things really went downhill for my mental health. My husband had actually injured himself at work just before our daughter was born, and he ended up on disability leave from work with limited pay and a heaping pile of medications that made it nearly impossible for him to function on his own. We couldn’t afford daycare after about a month of me being back at work, and my husband needed help during the day as it was. We asked MIL to stay with us to help care for our daughter during the day and help my husband with doctor visits while I was at work until after he had a surgery he needed to treat his injury. Honestly, I would have loved to ask LITERALLY anyone else after the terrible experience we had just a couple of months earlier, but she was the only family we had who wasn’t employed and had the ability to help us out.
Once again, she nosed through all of our belongings, spilled food and drink all over the house, broke our coffee pot TWICE, woke the baby constantly, and generally made me uncomfortable in my own home. She was rude and abrasive in most things that she said (whether she meant to be or not). I felt like I couldn’t so anything without her watching, judging, and just being nosy. She is also a VERY messy person and leaves garbage and dirty laundry all over the place, which is enormously annoying to me! I am a clean freak and like to keep my home tidy, and she had no respect for that whatsoever. I couldn’t get a moment of peace and quiet no matter where I was in the house – I felt like a prisoner in my own home.
Like I said before, one big reason why we asked MIL to stay with us was to help my husband with his doctor visits and care while I was at work. In the end, there were only a few doctor visits for my husband that I missed because I quickly learned that I couldn’t trust MIL to actually report the information from the appointment accurately. She was very forgetful and didn’t seem to understand much of what was going on by the time she was filling me in on the day’s events. My husband was so heavily medicated that he couldn’t remember the details very clearly either. I ended up having to leave work to attend appointments over and over, forcing me to work later into the evening to make up for the lost hours, but it was the only way that I could get the information I needed for my husband’s care (things like pre- and post-operative care, what appointments/specialists needed to be squared away, changes in medications, etc.).
Additionally, she was supposed to be caring for our daughter during the day. Well, let’s just say those 2 months that MIL lived with us were the longest-lasting diaper rash my poor baby has ever had… MIL is CONSTANTLY on the phone and loses track of time easily, so I’m sure he wasn’t changing my daughter’s diaper as often as she should have. I thought for a while that maybe my daughter was just presenting with some skin sensitivities that she didn’t have at birth (kids do develop allergies, afterall), but that idea was shot when the diaper rash immediately went away after MIL left. I felt so bad for my poor baby, and I feel like a bad mom for trusting MIL to care for her during that time, but I didn’t have any other options.
MIL really did try to be helpful in some ways – she insisted on going grocery shopping for us, and she often bought the groceries herself with was a big financial help. Of course, she would go with a list of items that we all needed and somehow always managed to come back without any of the things that I needed… It felt personal and was just another source of frustration for me, especially since she would be gone for at least 4 hours every time she went to the store (I typically get all of our shopping done in about an hour). MIL also tried to cook dinner most nights so that I could just have a break when I got home from work, but she ended up burning things, ruining pots and pans, running all of the propane out of our grill after we had only used it one time, the list goes on.
I was so depressed while she was with us and for a good while after she left. I had never experienced depression in my life, but here I was, feeling so alone and helpless because this woman was tormenting me and making my life miserable every step of the way. It’s been about a year since she left, and I still feel so much anger and resentment toward MIL. I’m thankful every day that I don’t have to see her or even interact with her over the phone, and I dread the day that we go to visit her at her home (probably next Christmas). I don’t think I’d be upset at all if I never had to see her again. I wish I could find a healthier way to cope with these negative feelings, but I don’t feel like I can talk with my husband about these really strong feelings. Like I said before, he was pretty medicated when she was visiting, so I don’t think he really grasps (or remembers) the full extent of what happened or how difficult it was for me. So, I feel all of this anger toward MIL, I feel angry at myself for having such mean thoughts, and I feel like I don’t have a safe outlet to share my feelings or learn how to cope with them. It’s just so stifling and so exhausting…
Registered: 1546458981 Posts: 1
Reply with quote
After reading many of these posts....All I can say is WOW, I'm not alone!!!! My MIL lived with my husband and I for 4 years after my FIL passed away. We had to practically kick her out so she could move on with her life. 4 years later, she is under water in a condo she bought. My husband and I noticed this as my SIL could care less and thought everything was fine. My husband and I rearranged our home for her, sold her condo and told her now that she has some money she would be able to travel with her friends and save money! We made our office into a family room so she could keep her furniture and we put a door in between her bedroom and the office/family room for her. We made it cozy so she could have her privacy and it would be like her own little suite. We agreed on her paying a mere $300/month rent which would cover some utilities and cable channels she liked. We thought this would really help her out. Sounds great, right?!
My MIL is now 71. She is able to drive. Her health is pretty good minus the diabetes. She does need to have knee surgery. But she is fully capable of getting around. If my family has any family get together's I always let her know about them. Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't. We always ask her if she wants to go on vacation with us.(we pay our own ways). She has gone with us. We want her to be happy and get out and do things. She loves cards, so I told her to join a card club. That never worked. She NEVER lifts a finger to do ANYTHING!!! She thought it would be fine if she made breakfast that she could leave everything out ALL DAY! Never cleaned up after herself at all. We had to keep telling her to wash and put her pans away along with her dishes and glassware. Not to mention the grease and salt and grime on the counters, cause she never wipes them, EVER! What does she do, she starts putting dirty dishes back in the cupboard along with her dirty pans. She does this because "I don't like things left out". She never cleans her room, bathroom, family room. It's nasty smelly gross!! She's home all day and just watches tv and eats chocolate, lol. We have two dogs, one adores her and sleeps with her, my MIL loves her too. The other dog is fine with her. My MIL gives us a hard time about letting the dogs out and making sure they have food and water. Says she shouldn't be doing that, and they aren't her dogs. I guess it's too much for her to handle. She also like to pick fights and arguments. Cause we are not nice people and we only care about ourselves, that's why we got rid of our office and made her her own space! Whatever! She picks on my teenage son cause she knows she gets under his skin. She'll complain about my teenage daughter and what she wears to the beach, it's not appropriate to wear a bathing in front of boys. Come on!! She likes to gossip about people and is on the phone any chance she gets to talk to her daughter. They are two peas in a pod! She buys clothes and more clothes and more clothes that she never wears. I told her she could wear a new outfit everyday for at least a year. She agreed. She wears the same thing over and over!! She expects to be treated like a princess, cause she's done her time. She gives lots of money to her daughter for pretty much anything like a new couch, tv, mattress, diamond ring, dishwasher, oh you want to go on a vacation, here's the money!! We get " I cannot believe that you charge me rent!" "My friends think that is so wrong of you!" Mind you the tv and lights are on 24/7 and you need heat and water, oh and don't forget food, and what about those paid tv channels you like to watch! I'll come home from work and clean up the kitchen so I can make dinner and then here she comes, "what are you making?" and then proceeds to eat what I just made. I would not have a problem with this if she would lift a finger and help out a bit. My husband and I will be watching a movie and she'll come out of her room and just start talking to us....about really nothing important. We told my SIL that she needs to take a turn and have my MIL live with her for awhile. That went over really well. She complains that her house is too small. She had a chance to move into a larger home but squabbled over 5k, and decided to stay put. My MIL gave her money to finish her basement and put a room down there for her teenage daughter. My MIL also gave her money for a new bedroom set for her teenage daughter. Did we get any help for when we fixed up our three rooms for her? Did my children get anything new from their grandmother, NO. Instead of my MIL saving money, she has spent nearly every penny she has! She made money on her condo, where is all that money?? How could you have gone through it all in 3 years!!! I'm sorry to vent..... I didn't know there were support chat groups out there about your MIL living with you! lol Happy New Year Everyone!
Reply with quote
My mil has lived with us since August. I loved her so much before. I cannot stand to look at her now. She has COPD, and her home was unsafe. This was supposed to be temporary. I had no idea how selfish, lazy, and childlike she was, or I wouldn't have agreed to this situation. We are recent empty nesters, and she is always here. She contributes nothing to the household the only time she comes out of her room is to complain. Her negativity is killing me. I cannot sleep, I dread coming home from work, and I am so sick of cleaning up after her. I want her out. Then the guilt, the terrible guilt I feel. .Never again, never.
Reply with quote
The first time I met my Mil I did not like the self-centered woman. She used to live with my Sil until she passed. My SO made a promise to take care of mom.
Fast forward 4 years and she is still as mean spirited as she was the first time I met her. I feel like I am trapped in my own home. I stay outside as much as possible. I used to cook for her but she doesn’t like anything especially if it is healthy. I suggested to SO to try frozen dinners and the reply is I’m not feeding my mom that crap. At 86 what does it matter. She never ate anything but highly processed food her whole life. Mil doesn’t do anything but sit in front of the TV all day and night. The damn thing is so loud I can hear it in our bedroom. SO gets at least one call a day to come and fix her tv. If we’re eating dinner she jumps up to go take care of it. I’ve said many times she can wait 10 or 15 minutes so you can finish your dinner while it is hot. Mil was never a nurturer but wants everyone to be ather beckon call which I adamantly refuse to do. I no longer speak to her because she refuses to wear her hearing aids. When I raise my voice so she can hear me I am yelling at her. Believe me if I yelled at her she would probably crap her pants. She has fallen numerous times but has not broken anything yet. She is nosy and when caught she lies. I told SO she wouldn’t know the truth if it was tattooed to her ass and she has a guide to get her there. It’s unreal the hold abusers have over their children.