I understand where you are coming from, but understand our side too. Sure, these elderly don't want to be pushed out of their homes, but geez, don't you think they could be just a LITTLE appreciative??? Once in a while??
Considering the fact that most of them are in the situations they are in because they DIDN'T plan, and are expecting their kids to give up their lives to play servant to the parents..
I may sound evil and wicked, but as Olivia says, walk a mile or two in my shoes. Or even better, live a couple of years in my situation or hers and see how wonderful it isn't. People shouldn't judge unless they have been in the situation and can totally see it from everyone's perspective.
Unfortunately, with the elderly, the ONLY perspective they see it from is theirs. No one else's. Just theirs. There may be a few elderly that are sweet and loving and are appreciative, but you know what. Their kids are not on this board.
See it from our perspective. People give up their lives, some of us when we are younger (39) and older, and want to help their MIL. My MIL had a stroke when she was 75. She lived in this big 2 story house all by herself, worked, retired and right after she retired, bam, she had 2 strokes. Now, she saved for years for her retirement, but now she can't get upstairs, to the kitchen or whatever and has to depend on us. Her younger son, DIL and 2 grandchildren. We didn't have to move in. We were doing just fine on our own. So, now she has to have a caregiver during the day while we work (we didn't move in to give up our jobs, just so that she would have someone there at night and on the weekends). So, we save her over 3500/month in caregiving costs. She does have to pay her weekly caregiver and the agency. She only has enough money to live IF we live with her. Fine. But just remember, we didn't have to move in with her. She thinks for some reason that she is doing US a favor. NOT> No privacy, constant comments about my diet, my weight, how much money we spend, how much we eat out.. etc.. I DIDN"T SIGN ON FOR THAT CRAP!!!
And on top of it.. If we didn't live there (and believe me, I would love to hold this over her head, but I don't.. I never say "you should be grateful" because she should be, but I shouldn't have to tell her). We don't get any vacations etc.. She always wants to go with us. She butts into our marriage. She wants us to do things that the caregiver should be doing with her.
She can't live at her house and not have us live there too. She can't afford it. So at least say thank you once in a while. NOPE. Just get the "it's my house". Yep.. Well, lady, you keep doing that and it will be "we are outta here and you will be at the AL faster than you can say zippidee do dah".
So, maybe we should see it from their perspective, but beggars can't be choosers. They should be grateful, not make it so that we don't ever want to help them. Without us, most of them would either be at a NH, AL or on the street.
Maybe Concerned, you could explain to me why they bite the hand that literally most of the time feeds them???
I am not trying to be rude, but it is really difficult to be in this situation and try and help someone that acts like they are 2, and throws temper tantrums, or does disgusting stuff like drink out of the milk jug (that was Jeanne's MIL), or doesn't bathe, or acts like they are the queen and assumes that you will take care of them - again, without any appreciation whatsoever. I wouldn't take that from my kids, let alone my MIL.
They may be scared about being dumped, but the reality is, they will be unless they can act like adults.
Just my .02.