Our Aging Parents
Mother in law issues
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My husband and I have been together a total of 14 years, and married for 7 of the 14. I don't even know were to start exactly, but my MIL caused so much pain between my husband and I that we almost split up.
This might be really long but as much as my husband and I have become so incredibly close, and he knows how his mom truly is now after not talking to her for almost five years, I still feel like it is all my fault. There is always two sides to every story and I can only imagine what her story is. I am not completely sure if she is a narcissist but it has got to the point that I just really need advice and just some type of support. If I were to write every single incident with her this would be neverending.
Growing up my parents always taught be to be kind and to help. So no matter where I went I knew it was always polite to ask if I could help with cooking or help clean up at the end of a meal. I met my in laws 6 months after my husband and I started dating . My husbands dad was really sick so that first night I only met his mom, his dad had lung cancer so he was in chemo and very weak, so I completely understood that he was not able to meet me. My husbands mom was extremely rude right away. She asked what kind of lifestyle I lived, what my parents did and what I was doing with my life. Now this would be totally normal in most cases but the conversation was literally maybe 45 minutes of her talking in one tone the entire time, it was an annoyed and type of tone. I remember her cutting me off constantly. I asked my husband about how things went and he thought they went really good but I definitely felt unwelcomed and out of place.
The next time we to his parents I got to meet his dad, and he was so incredibly nice. I noticed his mom would make comments alot about his dad, like once he dies I am going to remodel this house. I felt so weird every time but I never said much. Throughout the years his mom never had much to do with me, my husband would invite me over there and eachtime she would always say, "I didn't know you were coming over, I didn't make enough food. " Thar happened a good five times until I finally decided it was best I didn't go there anymore.
Four years into dating my husband's dad passed away, his mom's attitude toward me was like night and day. She was super nice and said in front of her friends how I was finally a part of the family. My husband was welcomed right away into my family but his mom said this after four years. I ended up realizing she only said it in front of everyone to seem kind and like we had the best relationship. After my husband and I got engaged in 2012, after being together for 6 years things seemed really good with his mom, until our wedding day. We could only have a total of 150 people at our wedding/reception. We asked her numerous times to let us know how many people she wanted there and she said she didn't have anyone in mind. So we invited more friends, she ended up buying 50 more invites without telling us and invited 50 of her friends. There was no room for any of them, in front of everyone she said how irresponsible I was and how rude I was not to have it figured out. We ended up paying out of pocket for 50 extra meals, she refused to help at all when from the beginning all she had to do was let us know who she wanted to invite. We asked if she wanted to be apart of planning and she said no. She told me she would be there the day of my dress fitting and never showed, even though the lady at the dress shop contacted everyone to give a remember of when it was.
After our wedding she had no contact with me, we invited her to do things but she never wanted to so them. A year later we told her we were expecting and my relationship with her went from no contact at all to 5 calls a day. It was nice hearing from her at first but the more we talked the more I started realizing how she was trying to control what I did, like what I ate while I was pregnant. I definitely appreciated all the tips from her but she was very pushy. She started saying things to me in front of my husband that made him realize she really wasn't nice, he stuck up for me many times. Things just continued to get worse after we had our oldest daughter, she was constantly calling to tell me how to take care of my own baby and if it was not how she did things she would put me down but she never offered to watch or spend time with her own granddaughter. After I went back to work from maternity leave my husband asked if she would at all be interested on helping watch our daughter since she had every Monday and Wednesday off and she said no because those were her days to nap. We definitely understood because it is nice having a few days off during the week, so my parents offered to watch our daughter Monday-Friday. Once my MIL found out my parents were watching our daughter she made a huge argument saying she knew I didn't trust her with our daughter even though my husband asked her if she would be interested at all. A few weeks before out oldest daughters first birthday she made a huge deal about everything we planned. We rented a room at the local pizza place with free drinks and food for everyone, she was irritated that we only had 20 people there so she didn't end up showing up. It was extremely hurtful and so my husband called and asked what happened and it turned into a huge fight. They didnt speak for almost two years, my husband reached out to her but he never heard from her. His moms best friend calls a few times a year to tell us how worried she is and how sick his mom is. We were told she had multiple sclerosis only to find out she lied about it. We moved 3 hours away three years ago and now have another because little girl, she not once has reached out or returned my husband's call but she has her friends call and tell us how they are worried about her. I am at the point were as much as she doesn't like me our girls deserve to have their grandmother in their lives. Both our dads have passed and my mom has the start of dementia so we would love to have his mom around. I would love support to know if this is truly all my fault and if this type of relationship is normal between a MIL and a DIL.
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