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madalyn
Hello everyone! Hope you had a nice Easter

I sure could use some of your advice today. You are all so wise to these things

I have 3 sister-in-laws. One is a bossy B!  Shes rude to her 85 year old mom, telling her 'just go sit down, get out of my kitchen'  bosses her about what she eats and she'll tell my one SIL that she doesnt need that sweet. Shes obessed with germs, brings us printed off copies of things such as how to get out of a locked car trunks, articles on the whackiest stuff 

yesterday at an Easter gathering my daughter was lightly commenting on having another child. The SIL started shaking her head No and said you have a nice family already, and kept shaking her head No! This peed me off!!  Constantly sticking her nose in. shes never been married, is 64 and seems to love being bossy. does the same to my son and her other nieces.

She'll come to a dinner, disapear and go take a nap or go sit in a room alone. Always has stomach issues, gets ill at every single dinner!

She made my MIL and the whole gang take a walk at Thanksgiving. MIL was barely able to walk, she is 85..but SIL kept saying 'come on, it wont hurt you, good for you' All of us felt bad for MIL but none of them speak up to SIL and I feel I cant. But its getting harder not to!!

Anyone have this kind of SIL  and how do you deal with her?  Right now my husband is helping close the estate of his aunt, SIL has not helped do one thing to the house to get it ready for sale. My hubby has driven his mom 22 times to the city for melanoma sugery and numerous follow ups. SIL has not helped once!! I think hubby just doesnt want conflict but letting this gal be the Queen Bee is making me angry.

Thanks for listening..that was a long rant. Just had to get it off my chest. She ruins holidays each time!

Thanks Again and any advice would be so welcome




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FWU to Madalyn
Hi Madalyn,
 
From what you've described, your SIL isn't mean, just very annoying.  So my strategy would be to avoid her as much as possible.  I'll give you a "line item" analysis, lol!
 
1) Her rudeness to your MIL-- There's not a lot you can do here.  SIL is who SIL is.  She's insecure, but probably doesn't even realize her brusque manner is being perceived that way.  Just ignore it.  Or better, use humor to difuse the situation whenever possible.   
 
2) Her wacky publications-- She probably thinks they're helpful.  I would say a polite "Thanks," put them in my pocket, then promptly throw them away when SIL was out of sight. 
 
3) Her comment to your daughter telling her to restrict the size of her family-- See No. 1.  When SIL said "No, you don't need any more kids, your family is a nice family already," I would say "She does have a nice family.  A very nice family!  And the more nice the better!"  Then just laugh a jolly little laugh.
 
4) Her disappearing act at dinner-- She may be doing this for attention, or she might genuinely have health issues.  Either way, I would just ignore it.  
 
5) Her wanting everyone to walk at Thanksgiving, or wanting the whole clan to engage in her designated activity--  If I felt like walking, I would walk.  If not, I would politely decline the invitation.  If pressed, I would politely decline again.  "No, you guys go on ahead.  I'm just going to stay here and read a magazine.  Thanks, anyway.  Would you like to join me, MIL?"  Then you've given your MIL an out.  If she goes along anyway, there's not a lot you can do about it.
 
6) Her not helping your husband with aunt's estate-- Has your husband asked his sister for her help?  If he has and she's refused, there's not a lot he can do.  If he hasn't asked and just expected, he needs to ask.
 
One last comment.  If Annoying SIL gets in YOUR face and is rude to YOU, I would call her out on it.  "That's a really rude remark.  Why would you say such a thing?" 
 
As long as SIL is not in your territory, I would ignore whenever possible.  It's very likely that everyone in the family has just gotten used to her, knows she's not going to change, so that's what they do.  Hope I helped!    Finallywokeup (aka Dear Abby, lol!)     
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madalyn
So true FWU, they do just ignore her. Most of the time I do too. Yesterday, well, ya know how holidays can be!

MIL did say she couldnt walk, SIL kept at her. One of the nieces helped MIL walk.

Oh, I do throw the articles away..LOL!!  First thing, hubby does too!

The going off to sleep or sit has been going on for all the years I've known her. It is an attention thing!

I plan on just keeping quiet, not rocking the boat.

Hubby did invite her to help and she came to the aunts house, she fussed the whole time. We tried to sort things for a sale..she wanted to toss most everything.  Everything to her was junk! She got mad at us. It was a fun few hours We tried to include her as we felt it was the right thing to do.

I didnt handle the 'no more kids' thing well at all yesterday.  Instead of saying what you suggest, I got quiet and ignored SIL all day.


She has been in other relatives faces many times. Several of those have happened over the years.

Your advice is so welcome. I will try very hard to do all the things you say as it is great advice!  I've been seeing this for 38 years...guess age is making me less tolerant...

((((((Hugs)))) Hope you are well! Thank You!!

Madalyn


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FWU to Madalyn
I put up with way less crap now than what I used to.     Some people just get on your nerves.  I'm sure you felt protective of your daughter and the Mama Bear came out over your SIL's thoughtless and unwelcome remark. 
 
Your SIL probably doesn't have many friends.  People like that tend to drive others away.  Nobody wants to be around them.  But I guess there's always one relative (or in some cases, more than one) who can make family get togethers trying!  
 
One other thing I thought of.  You might try mildly chiding her for her "I-know-best" attitude.  Like the next time she starts in telling everyone what to do, giving her in-your-face opinion or "ordering" you guys to take part in some activity, you might say "You know, SIL, you would have made a great General!" or "Is the advice free, or are you charging by the hour for that?" 
 
Think up some generic snappy comebacks for the next time you have to be around her so she doesn't catch you off guard.  I'm kinda slow-witted sometimes and I'm not one to think of stuff until much later, after I'm good and ripping mad, lol!  Anyway, a comeback might make you feel better and let her and everyone else know her bossiness was duly noted by you and not appreciated.  Good luck!  FWU   

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madalyn
FWU, you are so very good at reading people!  So true, she has very few friends and always has someone upset with her!

For sure, there is always one in every family!  I was like a mama bear but I kept quiet, just stewed on the inside..lol!

I gotta see her again this coming Sat at a big parade our local city has. We go with my daughter and grandchildren.  Last year she told me the white spots on my arms(which are from sun damage) was a fungus So not true!! 

You are great, you always have such good answers! 


Thank You Again!!!
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madalyn,

Sorry you have to put with a sil like that.
I have a bossy, nosy sil also.  We have moved and are not
close to her now.  But when we were she drove me nuts.
Always calling telling us to come down and see them always
something going on.  We had to drive 2 hours down and 2 hours
back.   Hardly ever came up to see us.  When she did it was
because we bought a house and she had to see what we had
bought.   Since we have moved away, she will call and be
so nosy it's it almost like she is giving us money and she has
the right to know everything about all of us.
She is older so I guess she thinks she can run our lives
for us.  Tells us what to do, gives advice on everything.
I'm not working right now, but will get back into the work
force soon, well when she calls during the day and if I answer
all I get is "Why aren't you working?  My poor brother goes to
work everyday while you sit home and spend all his money."

I laugh, if I spent all his money, we would be in the street
and couldn't pay our bills

Always telling my dear husband I will not live near her.
I couldn't take her nosines and bossiness.   Besides
going through our things like our house is hers.
Oh and don't tell them you are buying anything here
comes the advice as to what to buy and where.
It must be approved by her first.
Anything about our son, it's all our fault we never loved
him enough and so he is where he is now serving because
she loved him more than we did.   How she tried to stop
him and we just are not good parents because we didn't
try hard enough.  She is still so mad at us and throws it
in our face.   DH refuses to call her and when she does
he doesn't want to talk to her. 

So I know how you feel.   They think they can run everyone
else's lives and when you peek into theirs I don't think so!!!

You tell your sweet daughter to have another little baby!
I just close my ears to mine SIL.  She doesn't have really
much to say except how to run our lives for us.
I just let her talk and talk and never do what she tells me

Take care!!
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FWU to Madalyn
I have those same white spots.  I know exactly what you're talking about.  A fungus?  Give me a break.  That was a nice little dig.  Okay, so here's my after-the-fact snappy comeback for that one:  "I didn't know you went to medical school!  When did all of this happen?" 
 
Btw, Madalyn.  No charge for my advice, lol!  FWU
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FWU to Suzi

OMG, Suzi!  Your SIL has MAJOR issues.  The nerve of some people!  Glad you and DH are able to shrug off her evil comments.    FWU

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Suzi-FWU
Thank you FWU,
You are such a sweetie!!

Yes, she has hurt my husband with alot of her comments.
We are now three states over so she can't come see us
But when she calls she just goes off on things that are none
of her business.
Funny when we were younger she used to be alright but as she
got older she is four years older than dh and eight years older than
me.  So she likes to run our lives.  But goes about it all wrong.
I have learned don't believe you are not marrying the family.
Poor husband my mother, and me his sister
Long as they stay put and don't move closer we will
survive them


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madalyn
Thank you Suzi! Sounds like you have a nutty one too!  How dare she say you just sit home, thats some nerve! The bossy older sister..thats just what we deal with. shes the oldest girl of 4. Your advice is great! Just like you  I will never do anything she tells me! I dont much like the holiday get togethers anymore. Thank You Suzi for your helpful reply and (((Hugs)))

FWU, LOL!  Yep, me and my fungus!!  Shes obsessed with medical stuff, you'd think she has a degree  Thanks again and (((Hugs)))


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madalyn,

Holidays with them forget it.
Mine used to think I was her maid, do this, and don't do that.
Never could just sit and eat, used to tell me to get up and get
things she forgot!  
Funny I used to feel around her like I was taken prisoner and
she was drilling me on information.  That is how nosy she
is and was.  She doesn't call as much, don't give out anything
to her now, make them wonder.
If you have to be around them, just try and ignore.
I hope your next Holiday with them if you have to
will be much better.
Never will understand some people!
Hugs to you!!


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madalyn
Me neither Suzi, never can understand some people Its taken alot out of me trying so I've just about stopped trying!

Hugs!!!!
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Unregistered
She needs a good come to Jesus. I recently was invited to my family reunion and have 2 sil's who when are together turn into b's
x 2. I put up to a certain point, tell them bout themselves and fly the
Precious 900 miles away. I know why I don't live next door. Thank you Jesus.
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Anonymous
how she has really fooled all of you.  she is and will continue to do these thing as long as you let her.  the key to this whole probem is when you said she always leaves dinner.  she is nothing but lazy unless it is for herself, she is not leaving dinner because she is sick it is because she is afraid she may have to clear a table or do a dish.  I would anounce right at the beginning of dinner it her turn for dishes and then remind her nice try when she trys to leave.  I think you will be amazed at how many people will take your side and probroly laugh.  as for the baby thing I would just say are you having the baby for her  then why do you care.  never let these people ruin family our mothers worked to hard to make them. 
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