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Reply with quote  #1 
My mom has early to mid stages of Alzheimer and my father claims he is her guardian.  I was my moms caretaker and dysfunctional siblings have removed my Mother from my life. Police called, restraining orders etc.... All my Mom wants is her girl and my father ordered a restraining on me to keep me from my MOM. What can I do, has any one had this happen to them? Any attorneys out there with advise?

My Mom ask for me everyday and Dad says he is her guardian and is not listen to her wishes. I think she still has rights, he does not own her right???

Help anyone
Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Carol,

For a restraining order you would of needed to be served and have the right to object at the court hearing. You need to find yourself a good lawyer and get to the bottom of this. And yes your father does have the right to keep you away from your mother if he had documented proof that you harmful to her either physically or mentally especially if he is her guardian. Your lawyer would be able to help you  navigate this problem.

Good Luck
Reply with quote  #3 
Hi Carol,
You need to find out specifically if your dad has any court ordered documents, he may feel he is your mothers guardian just because of the fact he is her husband. There are differeing laws in each state on many things, so I don't know what marital rights there are in other states, but in mine being married doesn't give you the rights of guardianship. It takes a court order and I would bet that is the case in other states too. I think the only person that can get a restraining order against someone is the person who wants to not have contact with the person the restraining order is referring to, so I think your mother would have to be the one to get one to keep you away from her.
I think the only way to get a legal guardianship is through court and a person has to be proven incompetent and the person who anyone wants to be guardian over, gets their own attorney, in my state 2 different ones.
I would check with a good elder care attorney, they can find out if anything was done legally to keep you from seeing your mother and if there is any of these legal things in place.
Reply with quote  #4 
I also think that guardianship would require a court hearing and there would be public record of guardianship as well as restraining orders.  At least in California, if any actions would be taken against you, you would have the opportunity to appear in court and contest this and you would get copies of documents involving you.  I used to work in mental health, and the clients always had to be present at hearings, etc.  It is possible they are just "blowing smoke."  

This info could be researched through public records, I guess, but I would definitely get a qualified legal professional for this situation.   I think you need a third party to cut through all the probables lies and nonsense going on here.  Different rules in different states.  
Reply with quote  #5 
well restraining orders are pretty serious. Would police order a RO without a reason ??? So, I have to ask, what is the whole story ?
I do understand how people can lie - both sides - and the judge has to believe one side or the other? But there has to be pretty obvious offenses, or they would not issue a restraining order, I don't think ?
If your mother has Alzheimers, depending on how far advanced it is, I doubt she would be able to make any rational decisions for herself. As far as, does a guardianship give the guardian complete rights over all decisions? That I do not know.
Reply with quote  #6 
Carol, my DH is an attorney and we live in Texas so not sure what state your DM lives in, as all laws are different in each state.  Here in Texas your Father could go to probate court or mental court to get guardianship over your Mother, his wife to protect him from law suits that might arise from her damaging or destroying other's property.  If he did get a Protective Order or Restraining Order against you, you should have been served properly by a deputy sheriff or constable in your county.  If your Father did acquire guardianship over your Mother, he can make all decisions about her care, who she is to come into contact with and her financial issues too.  In Texas your Father would have had to get a bond to cover any damages your Mother might cause or loss of property that she might inflict on other's tangible items of possession.  You need to find out if there is indeed a guardianship set up on your Mother by calling the county clerk in your Mother's county and it should be public record.

Reply with quote  #7 

Carol, daughter(beth) has made a good point.  People are pretty whacky, but things don't happen in a vacume.    Not all of those who get guardianship are the best choice, but if indeed he has this for her,  something is going on that we cannot just guess about.   
If he is in fact her guardian, he can get a restraining order to keep you from her.   He can get one to keep you from his/their home on his own merit, without being her guardian.  

 I am not going to ask you for an explaination as to why your family has cut you out, but it is a harsh action and clearly you have upset someone, justified or not, (it is easy to do). 
By all means get a lawyer to find out why (if you don't know), arrange some sort of visitation (if that is what you want), and negotiate with your father. 
If she is incompetent, someone needs to look after her best interest.  Her husband would be the likely one if his own health is in order.  That she asks for you every day (and who tells you this? why do they tell you this? to make you suffer?) may not be relevent.    Does it actually happen or does some one try to torture you?
I hope you will look into this, and I am not asking for an explaination.   It sounds like a very private matter and to spill the details here may  be far more than is prudent if you do get a lawyer.   So, be careful what you say.  As we all know, we are not alone on this site, (ask a certain lady in TX)  no "privacy" except the way we manipulate our details.
Meeting you here doesn't mean a whole lot, and though I offer you support for a good outcome for your mother, that doesn't mean I am all for a reunion.  I am not able to guess the best for your mother.  

Good luck, and please get a local lawyer to explain to you your rights in this matter.  With Dad and siblings on one page and you on another,  visiting may be as good as it gets, if that. 

Reply with quote  #8 

By the way, are you a "new"  Carol?

Reply with quote  #9 
Yep, maybe not a new Carol, there have been others, but it's not the San Diego Carol, that would be me, if I remember correctly.

I'm in a similar situation, though.

Carol, to become a legal guardian your father had to go to court. True laws differ by state, sometimes by county, but usually all close relatives are advised when someone files.

You really need to consult an elder law specialist in your area to find out what, if any, rights you have to protect your mother and yourself. If you were served with a restraining order there must have been a hearing to allow you to present your side of the case.

In my case a predator grabbed my dad but I was still able to protect my mother's interests. Unfortunately, lawyers are required for any contested guardian or conservator situations, and for many that aren't contested.

This board is great for a lot of things, but only a lawyer in your area who knows all the details can advise you.

Come back and let out your feelings any time. We don't judge, just support. It's tough to be erased by parents but it's more common than you might think.

Take care of yourself.
Reply with quote  #10 

ok, all this talk of guardianship has got me wondering. Can a predator get guardianship of someone if theres already a POA involved?

Reply with quote  #11 
Yes, if the subject wants it and hasn't been declared incompetent, and sometimes if the subject has. It's up to the attorney to decide if the person understands what he/she is doing. There are no standards in most cases.

Again, all depends on local laws and the willingness of law enforcement to get involved. In general, laws make it easy for predators to succeed.
Reply with quote  #12 

Preditors do get guardianship sometimes.  Preditors also play innocent and ask for advice as to how to get passed guardians.  It does happen that a person is terribly wronged, but be cautious.   I always hope , and work for the best outcome for the afflicted.   Sometimes that is also best for the petitioner, just not always.    

Bonnie Barker
Reply with quote  #13 
Re: I was interested to read in a couple of comments how easy it is for a predator to be protected by the laws that should protect the Alzheimer patient and genuine family members.

My mother has been the victim of a predator (Grandchild) who within months after my father and brother died, completely take over her life, isolate her, use her money, possessions, with a POA and a Medical POA that the family did not know about until years after the fact. Secret deals, a new will, and secret documents were created. The docs were obtained through a lawyer and then the grandchild was protected by the lawyer while the grandchild destroyed my mothers house, spent Mother's money foolishly, and denied to everyone Mother had Alzheimers. For years I've had to sit back and watch with heartbreak as all these terrible things have taken place. I've had no money to get a lawyer and do something about this.

The laws need to be changed to protect dimentia patients from grooming predators. It should start with a POA being very hard to obtain and only by immediately family members. Doctors should be required to inform spouses and children of the patient when dimentia is first suspected.

Bonnie Barker 04.20.09
Reply with quote  #14 
You need your own attorney.  If you can not afford one, go to the court house and ask the clerk if there is a volunteer attorney program.  Call the bar association and see if the have a sliding scale or free program.  Ask to see the papers at the court house.  Make copies of them and take them home and read them carefully.  Take the papers with yout when you see the attorney.

Good luck.

Maggie J
Reply with quote  #15 
When we went through the guardianship process for my 18 year old autistic son here in Texas, the court sent documents to his 21 year old brothers to notify them of the hearing and inform them of their right to attend.  They would not schedule the hearing until the boys sent back notarized forms waiving their right to be there (They are away at college).

Close relatives apparently have a right to be informed so they can have a say in the proceedings.
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